


Welcome to the Playground

by Peskychloe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ASMR, Chronic Illness, M/M, Terushima has a dog, Video & Computer Games, YouTube, i PROMISE not to kill the dog, invisible illness, reportage, so much video game chat, transcripts chats and so on, very very indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-01-09 17:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12281634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peskychloe/pseuds/Peskychloe
Summary: “'Can you imagine him trying to whisper? Through a whole video,' this one says. They have a point. I bet you couldn't whisper for a minute, let alone an hour.”-Terushima makes video game playthroughs on YouTube, but a chance comment leads him to branch out into other areas.





	1. Psychonauts

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this bit as an experiment, and then it developed and I now have a few chapters, so I'm posting it here. Not sure what people will think of it, but it's a bit of self-indulgence with my favourite characters and two of my favourite things - video games and ASMR.
> 
> Reportage format - exposition inter-cut with transcripts, chat and other means. Because of the way I'm cutting it into chapters, some are quite short, so if it's a short chapter, I'll probably upload two at once. Some are much longer, once the story kicks in.

[excerpt of transcription of video: “Psychonauts Playthrough – It's Not His Vault He's Psychic”]

“Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground! You're all most welcome, as always.

Today I'm playing 'Psychonauts' which is, urm, over ten years old! But, I just got it on PS4 because it was _way_ cheap. It's taking a while to boot up, so I'll tell you a bit about it while it does. Oh, originally PS2, look at that! I was too young to play this first time (whispering) if I'd heard of it when I was ten, which I hadn't.

(usual volume) So it's developed by Double Fine. If you haven't heard of them, it's Tim Schaefer, and if you haven't heard of  _him,_ then I assume...I dunno what to tell you. It's TIM. FUCKING. SCHAEFER. Dude. You need to get out more.

Nah, nah, just kidding. Okay, so he's well known for Grim Fandango, but he's like, the king of indie games, 'specially point and click. We all know how impatient I get with those, right? But! This is a platformer! So we should be good to go. Running and jumping, yeah? I can do that. With my eyes closed! In fact I did. If you're interested, you can see me complete Super Mario 2 with my eyes closed by clicking on the pop-up I hope Kazu puts in the video. Let's have a graphic of Mario right here please. Click on here to watch.

Oh shit! It's finished loading. Oh my god, this is so 90s already, I LOVE IT. And it wasn't even out in the 90s! 2005? So I...what? Walk around on this brain? This is...oh! Wait, there's a door. I'll just jump in there.

Okay, so this is a platform game. Jumping, running, collecting stuff. Looking online, there's a fuck ton of collectibles, which I don't normally give a shit about, but apparently that's how you level up, so looks like I'm gonna be trying to collect a bunch of crap. I. HATE. COLLECTIBLES.

At least it has analog stick compatibility. You know what I always say – life is too short for games without analog stick compatibility. If you port a PS2 game to PS4, give me my fucking analog stick, or it's not happening. Hmm, the movement is pretty smooth, though! Good job, urm, whoever did this. I've forgotten already. I literally just looked it up before we started streaming.

It's a much better port than Primal. Jesus, dudes, do you lot remember Primal? What an annoying slow piece of garbage that was. Ah, memories. I broke my controller that day. RIP Jemima the controller. We hardly knew ye.

These character designs are crazy, seriously. Have you seen this guy's afro? I  _really_ want some goggles and a flying helmet now though. Raz, you are one sick looking motherfucker but you have some smooth aviator style going on there. If anyone wants to tell me where to get freaky goggles like this, comment and tell me! I want some for my playthrough videos.

Also, I would TOTALLY wear that shirt of his.

Okay, so while I'm finding  _whatever_ it is I'm looking for, I wasn't really listening...anyway, while I'm titting about showing you the game, let me catch you up on what's been going on. So, you may remember last week I had to take Agro to the vet. Thank you all for your lovely comments, by the way. You're all so lovely to me, even though I'm such a prick. 

Anyway, luckily, it's not serious! I was so worried, cause coughing can mean so many things in dogs, but apparently, he's just got a cold. I mean...way to worry me, man, I thought you had kennel cough or something. You big mutt, I love ya.

What else...oh look at that! I think we're getting into the game properly, I'll stop rambling, and do an actual livestream of this gameplay. If you miss this live, don't worry, as always we'll be putting an edit of it up later on. Let's do this!”

–

Yuuji sat back after watching the video Kazu put together. He'd added in the Mario graphic, as requested, even adding a pair of dark glasses. Nice little touch, thought Yuuji, as he scrolled down to see the comments.

People seemed to enjoy the playthrough, although almost every comment was thankful that Agro was doing better. Yuuji swore that dog was more popular than him some days.

One other comment caught his eye. “You should whisper more! OMG you have an amazing whisper, it set off tingles in my head! Please do an ASMR playthrough of something.”

“Hey, Haru! You know what ASMR is?” he shouted through into the living room.

“What?”

“ASMR? You heard of it?”

There was a loud sigh, sounds of shuffling against leather, and then Haru appeared in the doorway to his office. “What are you talking about?”

“Someone said I should do an ASMR playthrough. Never heard of it. Is it a game?”

“Show me.”

Yuuji pointed out the comment on screen, while Haru peered at it. “She says 'ASMR playthrough  _of_ something' so I don't think it's a game. Search it.”

He opened another window alongside the YouTube one, and started looking for ASMR. Comments continued to appear below the original one, Haru reading them out as they did.

“'Can you imagine him trying to whisper? Through a whole video,' this one says. They have a point. I bet you couldn't whisper for a minute, let alone an hour.”

“I could whisper that long!”

Kazu wandered in to see where the other two had got to. “You couldn't. I could hear every word you said from in the lounge.”

“Hey!” Yuuji shouted, as if to prove a point. “I'm offended! I'm not always loud. I can be quiet if I have to be!”

“You think? Well, then maybe we should try it. There's plenty of people who seem interested.”

“Is that all it is?” Yuuji carried on scrolling through the results. “Whispering? I could whisper! Are there other gamers who do this ASMR thing?”

They spent the rest of the afternoon researching online, watching videos, and brainstorming games which could be whispered through. Yuuji still wasn't convinced, but with over 400 likes on the comment, many agreeing he had a nice whisper (a compliment he never thought he'd ever hear), they all thought it was probably worth trying.

“There's a few gamers whispering over videos,” Kazu said, leaning over and scrolling through his history. “Mostly girls though. I could only find one bloke. I really think you should give it a go.”

“Things like Minecraft seem popular...”

“I'm not playing Minecraft. I'd rather boil my fingers.”

Haru tutted. “Well, there's plenty of those anyway. I meant, maybe play something similar. Something which won't get you over-excited so you accidentally shout.”

“You know what would be good?” Kazu said, looking up with wide eyes.

“I know exactly what you're thinking,” Haru joined in, both turning to Yuuji. “Come on, it's so obvious!”

Yuuji jumped to his feet and started scanning his shelf full of games, before finding the box he was searching for and holding it in the air triumphantly. “Journey!”

–

 


	2. Journey - opening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part of the game Yuuji is playing is this bit - [My YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOxNUp0WHnY)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 1 – Whispering Sands”]

“(softly speaking) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground! You're all most welcome, as always.

First things first, Agro is doing brilliantly, thank you all for asking. Say hello, noodle. Yeah, he's still sleepy but he's not coughing any more! Huzzah!

Now, regular viewers may be wondering what's going on. No, I haven't lost my voice. Last episode, I whispered something and...where's the name? Give me a...oh yeah, here we go. A user called 'RainingHens' complimented my whisper – not something I hear much, as you can probably imagine – and suggested an ASMR playthrough. A lot of you agreed, so me and the boys did a bit of research.

Isn't it strange online when you've never heard of something, but then you search for it and there's fucking LOADS of it. And you start to wonder how on earth you never saw it before? Well, that's ASMR! Honestly, YouTube is full of it.

Now, I don't get the...things. What are they? Tingles. Yeah, I don't get those. But I respect the effort you lot put into it, there's some imaginative stuff going on. Some of it I found a bit uncomfortable. There's a lot of ear cleaning role plays, aren't there? I felt like something was crawling into my ear with those. There's a Dutch bloke who I found uncomfortable for a whole other reason (whispers) oh, man, he's so pretty, I couldn't concentrate on relaxing.

(soft spoken) Urm, my favourite is definitely a Russian woman. I mean, even without the tingly thing, her voice is really relaxing to listen to. And she's also ridiculously pretty too. There's a video where she's wearing these pearls around her head and the clacking noise was making me zone out! That _never_ happens.

Yeah I can totally understand why people watch this. I'm not a convert or anything, but if I ever can't sleep, I might try and listen.

So! In the interests of...experimenting, I'm going to try and whisper for the rest of the video. Kazu and Haru have a bet going that I can't do it, but I'm stubborn and I can and will prove them wrong. I get treated to lunch if I can do it. Honestly, I haven't been bribed with food to stay quiet since I was about five. All these memories flooding back.

We chose Journey for this. Now, I haven't done a playthrough of this, even though I've played the game many _many_ times. I don't know why, really, maybe it's 'cause I played it before I started the channel? It's pretty much my favourite game of all time. Which will probably surprise a lot of you when you see what the game is like.

Okay, I'm starting a brand new game, because this is one game where I've got all the collectibles and secrets in my save file. I've actually platinum-ed this game, I think it's the only one I ever have. But, for now, I want to show you a clean game.

(whispers) It's loading, so I'll start whispering now and tell you a bit about the game. It's made by That Game Company – what a great name – who make these kind of experimental games where there's not really any point to them except the enjoyment of playing. I heard of them from my friend Abby who told me about a game where you're a flower and you whoosh around picking up petals, which sounded so trippy I really wanted to play it. I got a disc with three of their games on it, and Journey was one of them.

Flower was pretty good, but Journey...oh man, I'm honestly filling up thinking about it. You can see from the screen here how gorgeous it is already. So golden. It's a lovely art style, simple and clean, beautiful lighting. The character here, look. He's basically a little triangle with pointy feet. That's all. But I love him and want to protect him. Ah, I know you won't believe me, but I have actual tears in my eyes seeing him again. Look. See? I'm not lying!

I remember playing this the first time and thinking, 'what?' 'Cause there's no rules or instructions. There's no challenges or missions or...fighting or...puzzles. You see that mountain? You have to get there. That's it, that's the whole game. But it's the journey there that counts. Whoo, Journey! Ah, I nearly shouted then and stopped myself!

So, yeah, it's not a game like games usually are. But that's the beauty. Right, let's go up here and get the magic flying scarf.”

–

Yuuji was proud of himself. He'd only spoken loudly once, when Agro had barked at a passing bicycle and brought him out of his trance a bit. They'd edited it out for the sake of the video, but he'd been honest and mentioned it in the description.

The comments were, on the whole, positive. Some of his older viewers were disappointed, but he'd assured them all he wouldn't be whispering everything, only the Journey videos he made. He planned to make eight in total, one level per video released weekly; long enough to see if it was worth doing again, short enough that if he got bored, it wouldn't take long. Plus he had an excuse to replay one of his favourite games.

He turned his attention to comments on other videos, allowing the newest release to gather speed a bit before checking again. As usual, the most popular videos were the ones where he played multiplayer games with Kazu and Haru, but the comments were mainly laughing at things they'd said, or commenting on how much fun their house must be to live in. He looked around his small, messy room and shook his head with a snort. He liked his friends and the shared house was fine, but it wasn't like they were 'on' every hour of the day. It wouldn't be possible to live like that.

He carried on responding to people. It was taking longer each day now the channel had almost a million subscribers, and while Yuuji dreamt of the day they were popular enough to not have time to read and respond to every comment, he knew he would also miss doing it. Whenever familiar names popped up, it felt like he was reconnecting with old friends. It was the most social he was these days, aside from his flatmates.

 

There was a moment of embarrassment when a few people commented on him leaning into the camera and showing the tear in his eye. His face was usually in shadow in the small box at the top left of the picture. If he leaned forward, the light from his screen would illuminate his face, and every time he did that he'd receive a slew of comments about how 'hot' he was. When he started the channel, he liked hearing it, but it started to get annoying when people commented on that more than his commentary. That was the point he started filming in a darkened room.

When someone tagged the Dutch man and he thanked Yuuji for the compliment, however, shame replaced the embarrassment. He replied, apologising and telling him how crisp the sound was on his videos, getting a thumbs up from him, and he felt a little better about himself. Until the Russian woman also thanked him and he remembered he'd called her pretty, too. He really should think before he spoke.

After a day, he concluded that the experiment was a success. The user who originally asked for more whispering was happy with the results, saying they couldn't wait to hear more, and a few other people expressed their preference for a calmer Yuuji. He wasn't sure what to make of that, but he chose to take it as a compliment.

Overnight he received a lot of comments from other people who produced ASMR videos, and was astonished with how supportive they were of his efforts. Many of them gave him advice on how to achieve better results, most of them wishing him luck in the future. He felt immediately accepted by this small, odd community, his chest glowing.

One stood out, from a channel he hadn't come across during his research. He was surprised at first he hadn't noticed it, he felt like he must have seen every ASMR artist on YouTube with the amount he watched, but when he clicked through he was sure he hadn't; the thumbnails for all the videos showed just a black head, like a shop mannequin. Yuuji had only found channels with people videoing themselves, none of these videos had shown up in his recommendations.

“SleepyASMR: Hey. Luke directed me towards your video. I make game play-throughs sometimes, so if you need any help with the audio, feel free to message me.”

“Huh,” Yuuji said lifting his eyebrows in appreciation, clicking back into the profile to bookmark it for later.

 


	3. Journey - 2

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 2 – Building Bridges”]

“(whispers) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always. I'm wondering if we should rename these parts. To...Naptime maybe? What do you think, let me know.

First of all, how's the sound? I got a lot of advice after last time, so I have to give a huge shout-out to SleepyASMR for helping me sort the levels. I've now got two audio inputs, one either side of my face, because whispering ear to ear is apparently a thing? I never would have thought of that, so thanks Sleepy. I've been practising talking into both, but I'm probably going to forget.

Last week, we woke up in the desert, got our scarf, and I got over emotional at being reunited with Pointy Feet. Next is the bridge, which is _kind of_ a puzzle. But not really. Oh my fucking god, would you look at that sand? This...is the good shit. Honestly, every single angle makes me want to cry it's so beautiful.

Okay, so this bridge is in three parts, and as you can see the mountain is that way. But how do we get across? Well, I can't fly that far...not yet. Later on you can get an achievement for crossing the bridge without mending it though. For now, how do we mend it?

Well, here we come to the mechanics of the game. All you can do is move, jump and tweet. I dunno if that's the right word, but it's what I call it. Pressing this button makes Pointy Feet kind of sing? Or something? It doesn't do much here, but let me just go...right, over here, if I sing...there we go! The scarves fly around and lift me higher. If I find the right one, it'll build the bridge again. That's what I'm doing, so let me tell you about Agro while I do that.

Last week, he was doing pretty good, if you remember, but then he started coughing again. I took him back to the vet, but we saw someone else – who was the most adorable poppet I ever met, by the way, she had all this curly ginger hair and a Scottish accent – so anyway, Merida thinks it might not be a cold after all. She wants to do tests on him to check it's nothing more serious.

God, I...I really hope it isn't, y'know? I love this enormous shitbag. He's, urm, eight years old, I think. I'm not sure, we got him at a shelter and he was already not-a-puppy. He was about two, so a toddler. Well, a teenager in dog years. Anyway, it's the longest relationship I've ever had, hah. I got him when I graduated. Not sure what I'd do without him.

Wow. This whispering thing is making me open up! Or is it Journey, I dunno.

Oh! Look! Our first fellow traveller! I haven't mentioned yet, but if you play this connected to the server, you get other players randomly turning up. It's so weird, cause you can't communicate in any way other than the tweeting.

'Hello there! How are you? Have you played before?' That's what I'm trying to say to him, but all I'm doing is hopping up and down and making bing bong noises. Sometimes you can tell someone's played before, cause every time you play, you get another stripe on your cloak. If you see a white cloaked Pointy Feet, that's someone who collected everything. The white cloak means you never run out of...flying juice. I dunno what else to call it.

They've got sick of me, look. They've wandered off. Wonder if they know about the secret glyph over there. I'm gonna try and get them to follow me and show them. He's probably thinking, Yeah numb-nuts, I played this before, stop being so clingy. Hang on...

Ah! I don't think he knew about that! Look at him jumping around me twittering. Or _her_ I guess, it's a genderless Pointy Feet. _They_ look happy I showed them. Man, I need to use 'they' more often. I just had a friend come out as non-binary so I'll be using it more. I don't want to be THAT person, ya know? They're important to me, this is important to them, ergo I gotta get it right. Right?

I forgot how short the levels are, even with showing you all the secret pick-ups. See how long my scarf is now? Every time you finish a level or pick up a glyph, you get a bit extra. Longer the scarf, the longer you fly. We're already at the end of the bridge. Wonder if that player wants me to sit with them in the prayer circle? I will anyway, won't hurt. They get an achievement if they don't already have it. I like to help them out if I can. And if they don't want me to, I never have to know cause everyone is anonymous. Win-win!

I'll stay here for a while, fly around this gorgeous sand for a bit. I want to answer some of your comments before I go offline, anyway.”

–

Yuuji ruffled Agro's ears as they hung either side of his face. His dark eyes were sadder than they used to be, but he still looked so young, Yuuji couldn't bear thinking it was anything serious.

He'd ended up spending twenty minutes flying around the bridge and talking to his commenters. Somehow he didn't want to come away from the game that day; the soft music and orange glow of the sun bouncing off the sand was peaceful, he enjoyed catching up on the questions he'd been getting about his thoughts on other games, what he'd been doing in his spare time, and what videos he was planning for the future. Only when he started answering the many well wishes about Agro and getting melancholy did he turn his mic off and pass everything over to Kazu.

He took some time off to walk Agro before his appointment. The results would be back, and all he wanted to do was spend as much time in ignorance as possible. He took Agro to the big park with all the squirrels, but even that wasn't enough to bring him round. Since he'd gone full-time doing videos and some side projects like writing for magazines and websites, it meant he had so much more time with Agro. He didn't want it to end so suddenly.

They ran around for a bit, but Agro got tired quickly, eventually flopping into the grass and whining at him for clemency. Instead, Yuuji took him to the vet early; this had the added benefit they could both be fussed over by the nurse with the nose ring, which helped at least Yuuji to feel a bit better. When she was called away to help take a cat's blood pressure, he caught up with comments to take his mind off things.

“Terushima?” He looked up from his phone to see Jo, otherwise known as Merida, holding her door open for him. The last thing he read before she called for him was a message from SleepyASMR congratulating him on the audio quality of his video, and wishing his dog good health.

 


	4. Journey - 3

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 3 – So. F*cking. LOST!”]

“(soft spoken) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always. 

The channel has been a bit quiet this week, sorry about that. We uploaded some compilations, which I really hate doing, but I didn't get a chance to film anything new. We've had a busy week with Agro. I'm also not whispering yet today, for the same reason, and that's 'cause I'm too excited 'cause of some AMAZING news. Well. It's not amazing, but it's better than I expected.

So as you know, Agro was coughing and getting tired easily and had to have tests. We went back to see Merida the vet...I was so nervous. I was thinking cancer, or kennel cough, or something. But! It was heartworm. Which is still shit, and needs treatment, but Merida thinks we caught it early enough. I'm so relieved but still worried, it's such a weird feeling.

You know, just before I went in, I saw a message from Sleepy – hello, Sleepy – and it was like...a good luck charm or something. So that night, I went and listened to a video of his before bed. I haven't watched any yet, I'm ashamed to say! Been getting advice off him without watching it, but I..I wasn't sure it was worth it, 'cause nothing's given me any of these tingles before. And all his videos are like...objects and not people, or just hands. But I was so worried about Agro I couldn't rest.

Anyway, I watched a video where he was tapping and scratching things around a black mannequin head and...man alive! If you've had trouble sleeping, please give him a go. Seriously, I don't know if I can call it 'tingles' but I felt pins and needles up my neck and I got so relaxed I was off like a light! Best night's sleep in years.

I'll keep you all up to date with Agro over the next week, but for now, he's stopped coughing. He's still more dozy than he normally is, but I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful. Yeah.

(whispers) So, Sleepy? Thank you so much for helping me...sleep. Hmm.

You might have noticed over this whole time I've been running through the desert. I always get lost here. I can't even count how many times I've played this, and every time I get lost. I get so...caught up in it. It's impossible to map this area as well, so online guides don't really help. Well, they don't help  _me_ , I should say. My spatial awareness isn't great. Online guides don't say stuff like, 'where the sun hits that ridge of sand and turns red if you turn the controller to the right, slide down the slope with the excellent sand physics.'

Ah, I found the flower! This is a little Easter Egg. It's the flower from the game...Flower, obviously. If I hadn't already, I'd get an achievement for finding that, so if you play Journey and like that kind of thing, here's where it is. Just next to the sand dune which slopes up slightly, so Pointy Feet has to struggle a bit. Useful information from my channel, as always.”

–

Yuuji sighed. Most of his usual commenters were understanding, but there were always a few people who felt they somehow 'deserved' more from him than a clip show. The whole week had been filled with daily vet visits for steroid and antibiotic injections, he hadn't had any time to play games. Did they really think he wouldn't have preferred to be playing games rather than worrying about his dog?

“How is he today?” Haru asked, coming into the lounge and handing him a coffee.

Yuuji yawned, nodded a thank you, and said, “He's okay. Think he's wondering why he can't go anywhere other than the vet though.”

“Why can't he again?”

“Have to keep him rested. For his heart.” Yuuji stroked Agro's velvety ears between his fingers, getting a happy whine in response. “I think he's happy, right? I'm not being selfish treating it, am I?”

“Nah, 'course not. The vet would have said if there was no chance.”

“She would, yeah.” He put down his cup and settled back into the sofa cushions. His eyes felt so heavy.

Haru looked concerned. “Why don't you have a nap, pal? You look knackered.”

“I'll wait until tonight. I want to plan some videos to keep people happy.” Yuuji sat up and pulled his laptop back onto his knee, knocking Agro's nose as he did. “Oh, shit, sorry fella.” He rubbed it as apology, but his dog had barely noticed.

Yuuji opened his ideas document, but then got sidetracked by his email program pinging. There was another email from SleepyASMR which arrived while he'd been trawling through comments.

“ _Hey._

_Really glad to hear you enjoyed the video and it helped you sleep. There are a few other channels that do these kinds of videos if you want to broaden your horizons._

_Your audio is sounding a lot better, good work on separating the channels. If you're going to carry on doing it, there are other things I'd recommend. You could look at my old account where I did game playthroughs for ideas. I don't generally do them now, so I made a new channel about a year ago. This one is my personal channel, so don't mention it on your video or anything, please. Don't make fun of my username either, I was young and thought I was going to be a film maker..._

_ https://www.youtube.com/user/DirectorChikara _

_I hope Agro is feeling okay. I've never had dogs, but I can imagine how awful it must be. I lost one of my cats last year and I'm still not really over it. Someone actually said that I shouldn't be upset because I have two others. All my best to you both._

_Chikara”_

Yuuji smiled and clicked on the link. He'd had a similarly terrible username which was now retired, he understood how embarrassing it must have been for Chikara to share it with him.

He found the playthroughs, but was also sidetracked by trying to ignore the rest of his channel. Something kept him from looking too closely. Chikara giving him the link to a private account but only mentioning one type of video made Yuuji stay away from the other ones. It made sense in some odd way, even though Chikara wouldn't have left the videos on there if he was worried about people watching them.

Scrolling through the videos, something caught his eye. Seeing his dog's name in an unexpected place made him look twice; it made total sense, though, as the video was a playthrough of the game starring the character Yuuji had named his dog after.

 


	5. Shadow of the Colossus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *minor spoilers for Shadow of the Colossus if you're planning to play that*

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Gaming – Shadow of the Colossus 16 – Agro! No!”]

“(whispering throughout) Hey. Chikara here. It's the final boss battle of the game, which I'm kind of sad about. This has been lovely to play. The environment is beautiful, the lighting is superb, and the gameplay is smooth. I'm excited to see what happens, but I'm going to miss it. I've got Ico to play on the same disc. I think that might be more frantic than this one, so maybe not good for whispering over. Let's go find the sixteenth colossus.

This massive structure here must be what we have to...get inside. It looks very important and foreboding. A big locked door is never a good sign, I think this might be it, everyone. Oh dear.

Phew, look at all these stairs, this will take forever. Let's get on Agro. You know what I'll miss most about playing this game? This horse. Just riding around the landscape on him, jumping off him, and finding the lizards and the special fruit and everything. I've never ridden a horse in a game that feels so much like riding a real horse. His legs seem to move fairly randomly in their pattern, and he kind of does his own thing, feels a little bit wild. I like that. We all need a little bit more wildness in our lives, don't we?

Huh, okay. Does Agro jump? There's a bridge I need to get across, but there's a gap. I don't know how to...wait, if I run does he jump automatically? I'll give it a go.

Yay! Well done! Such a precious boy, thank you. Oh. Hang on. The bridge. Shit shit shit run Agro! RUN! Oh god! No! Agro? Really? He's fallen off the...bridge?

Oh my god. Wander, I feel your pain. That splash in the water down there, that was Agro right? He's definitely gone. (sniffs) Urm, sorry, I might be having a little, urm, cry. Ignore me. Gah, I can't believe they...

Okay, okay, so I suppose I'll just go and kill this giant monster. Even though I'm racked with grief for my fallen horse. This had all better be worth it in the end.”

–

“What the hell are you watching?” Haru asked Yuuji the fourth time he snorted loudly through his nose.

“Oh, someone doing a whispering playthrough. It's the bit where Agro dies. He whispers the whole way through it. Now he's killing Malus without screaming at the top of his voice. I don't know how he's doing it.”

Haru walked behind the sofa and watched over Yuuji's shoulder, softly tickling Agro as he did. “Who  _is_ this?”

“He helped with the mics the other week.” Yuuji unplugged his headphones and turned up the volume. “Listen. He's still whispering.” 

From the laptop came Chikara's whisper, “No, no no! I can't believe it. This is fucking impossible!”

Yuuji looked over his shoulder at Haru. “He cried when Agro died as well.”

“Shut up!”

“Nah, he did! He said so! I told you. You have a swinging brick instead of a heart, how could you not cry?”

“He comes back at the end.”

“Yeah but I didn't know that! You only knew 'cause I played it first.” Yuuji smiled back at the screen. “He obviously didn't know either,” he added, pointing at the screen.

Haru eyed him sideways. “Who did you say he was again?”

“Chikara,” he said, still smiling at the screen as Chikara managed to defeat the final boss and started apologising for crying again.

 


	6. Journey - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2.4k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 4 – Free Fallin'”]

“(whispers) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always.

I'm so excited for this week, because this is my  _favourite_ level of my favourite game of all time. I saw a screenshot of this level before I ever played it and when it appeared in the game I was overwhelmed by how gorgeous it is.

The first section is sliding down this huge hill. You don't have to go through the arches, but I usually do. There's an achievement for it as well. And y'know it gives you something to aim at. While we go down here, I'll fill you in on Agro.

The two weeks of steroid injections is over, thankfully. I mean...I love my vet, but I was sick of her. Pretty sure she was sick of me too. He's doing so much better. Thanks for all the well wishes. It...really means a lot. I know the channel hasn't been quite like usual recently so thanks for sticking with me.

I got to take him for a walk for the first time this morning. He's still tired quickly but it was so great to feel some fresh air! I've been stuck in too much. Got itchy feet, ready to adventure again, y'know? Maybe it's all the walking I'm doing in Journey or something.

Thinking about new things last week, different things I might wanna do with the channel. Probably the itchy feet thing. If you've got any suggestions, drop me a comment! I mean, I might not listen, but ya never know. I was wondering if...I dunno, but would a fan meet-up be a good idea? Is it arrogant to say 'fans'? Or...maybe something else you'd like to see me talk about? I'm...I don't know.

Anyway. We're at the bottom of the hill. Right. This area is the only bit you have to work out, and it's just like the bridge. I'll go and sing at the flying scarves again. It's fairly easy, and then it's more sliding down the hill, and that MONEY SHOT.

There's a hidden secret bit here somewhere I always miss. Maybe today I'll...nope missed the jump again. Sorry.

The thing I really like about this level is the music and how it interacts with your movement. I'll show you later what I really mean, but for now, let's just drink this in. When I go through this tunnel, just watch the light and enjoy.

(a minute of silence)

Woah. I mean. Is there anything more beautiful than that? 'A thousand authors could describe it for a thousand days and never fully capture the beauty'. Is that right? I'm sure someone will correct me.

I'll wait here on this ledge for a while, I'm...well, I don't know whether to admit this...I'm crying and my eyes are stinging and I can't see the screen properly. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by beautiful things. My sisters used to tease me about it. You know that meme...urm, 'have you ever seen a man so beautiful you started crying'? That's basically my life. When my nephew was born, the first time I held him I couldn't stop sobbing.

But, you know...I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, crying. It shows you care. That's what it is, isn't it? We should be proud we care so much it makes us cry. If you respond to something with laughter, no one minds.

Wow. This game gets me introspective, eh?”

–

It had been a while since Yuuji had cried, but somehow, he didn't feel shame at being caught doing it on camera. It would probably be dark enough to hide him, even if it didn't, would it matter?

The relief of being told Agro was stable, coupled with the exhaustion from not sleeping as well as he usually did, had made him more fragile than usual. It was no wonder he was over emotional at one of his favourite things.

His laptop pinged with a message from Chikara.

They had emailed back and forth a couple of times after he watched the Shadow of the Colossus video, sharing their favourite fights from the game. Yuuji's argument that Gaius, a tall colossus with a huge club, was the most iconic was almost shattered by Chikara's ovation on the beauty of Phalanx: “ _He's so graceful the way he flies through the sky, until you pierce the things keeping him afloat, and he becomes grounded just like the rest of us._ ” They ended up moving to a messenger program instead of email, for convenience, and they'd spent the rest of the week chatting about other games, eventually moving onto films when Yuuji brought up the subject of Chikara's old username. 

He opened the chat to find Chikara saying he'd watched the channel live and hoped Yuuji was okay.

  * Hi! Yeah, I'm okay. Didn't realise you watched the livestream?

  * _I don't usually, but I was home._

  * Got a bit overwhelmed. Feel silly now.

  * _Don't feel silly! That's why people like your channel. You're real, no pretending._

  * Yeah?

  * _Absolutely. I mean, I understand you wanting to shake things up on your channel. Don't change that though, always be you._

  * You got any ideas for where I should take it?

  * _I had one thought. You ever had a guest on?_

  * Kazu and Haru sometimes come on.

  * _No, like another YouTube channel. Collaborate with someone, maybe. There's that Neko-something gamer, can't remember his username. Real name's Kenma._

  * Hey! You should come on!

  * _I didn't mean me._

  * Why not? I'll pay for the train fare and treat you to pizza. I've been wanting to thank you for the help with my audio, anyway.

  * _I'm not sure._

  * This is a brilliant idea. At least think about it?

  * _I really don't know._

  * Okay, I'll stop bothering you. But I think it would be great.

  * _Yeah?_




Yuuji's hand trembled as he replied in the positive. He hoped he'd made the invitation casual enough. He'd been looking for a way to suggest meeting Chikara as soon as he found out how close they lived to each other, only about half an hour by train.

The thought of having a new friend was giving him butterflies in his stomach; it had been a while, he supposed.

–

They arranged for Chikara to come over a couple of hours before streaming. He told Chikara it was to check levels and eat lunch, but it was actually in case he was an awful bore in real life, and Yuuji could work out whether to film anything with him at all.

The nerves at meeting someone new kicked in thirty minutes before he was due to arrive. He'd asked Haru to stay around the house, as there was a small voice at the back of his mind wondering if he was being groomed for some reason. Chikara was almost too easy to get along with via messenger, like he'd been doing homework on Yuuji and finding things they had in common to exploit. He was thoughtful too, often asking about Yuuji's sleep patterns and how Agro was.

There had to be something wrong with him; Yuuji hoped he wasn't a serial killer or a cannibal or something.

The doorbell rang almost exactly when they'd agreed to meet. Yuuji looked at Haru, who followed him silently out to the front door to answer it.

For some reason, Yuuji chose this moment to realise he had no idea what Chikara looked like, or even how old he was. “Okay,” he said taking a deep breath and opening the door. “Hi.”

Standing on the doorstep was a young man, about the same age and height, smiling nervously and clutching the strap of the bag hanging across his body. “Hey,” said Chikara, quietly.

“You must be Chikara. Come in!” He held the door wide, allowing Chikara to enter. “I'm Yuuji.”

Chikara slipped his shoes off and lined them up next to the others strewn around the doormat. “Um, yeah, I know.” He turned to Haru. “Are you Kazu or Haru?”

“Haru. Good to meet you.” He smiled at Yuuji and walked back into his office. “I'll be in here if you need me.”

The two of them shuffled nervously in the hallway until Yuuji finally remembered his manners. “Oh! Come through to the living room. I thought we could order pizza.”

“I told you, it's not necessary. I like helping people.” Chikara's smile was small but genuine, and a bit higher on the left. It was easy to see how his voice stayed so steady while whispering, it was soft even at its usual volume.

Yuuji became uncomfortably aware of the peaks and troughs of his own voice, leaving him dumbstruck for a second. “Yeah, but I'm hungry anyway. And a large pizza is the same price more or less, might as well share.” He smiled back at Chikara, enjoying watching the left side of his mouth quirk up a little further.

“Okay. You're very persuasive.” 

Yuuji led him into the lounge and started moving papers off a chair for Chikara, but when he turned around, he'd already sat in Yuuji's usual space on the settee, gently stroking Agro's head. “Ah, you're okay with dogs, then? I wasn't sure with you owning cats.”

“I like all animals, but I have cats because I can't always get out to walk a dog every day.”

“Busy with work?”

“Something like that.” His slender fingers tickled the top of Agro's head. “I feel a bit like I'm meeting a celebrity. He's beautiful, I hadn't seen him yet. You ever have him in videos?”

“He turned up in some old ones.” Yuuji settled at the other end of the sofa, behind where Agro had lain so often there was a hollow in the cushion. “I don't really film myself much these days.”

“Hmm, same. I feel bad I didn't go back and watch all your videos. Felt weird, though.”

Yuuji nodded. “I know exactly what you mean! I only watched your gaming videos on your old channel. I felt like a peeping tom otherwise.”

Chikara looked up from Agro, eyebrows knitted. “Ah, right,” came the eventual conclusion, as if he'd finally solved some equation he'd been struggling with. “Shall we get the pizza ordered?”

They spent about ten minutes deciding what to have, with Yuuji eventually foregoing some things he usually ordered due to various dislikes Chikara had. Yuuji wasn't fussy anyway, he'd eat anything, and it seemed only fair to give the guest the final choice on things.

While they waited, Yuuji suggested a game of Mario Kart, but Chikara declined, saying he'd just watch. “I...don't really like racing games.” Yuuji went through a couple of other options, but Chikara said, “No really, I'll watch you playing, if that's okay?”

“Did you ever play Ico?”

“Urm, no, I didn't.”

“Shall I play that for a bit, so you can see what it's like?”

Chikara crossed his legs, holding onto his toes and rubbing them. “That would be lovely, thank you.”

“Are you cold?”

“A little.” He added hurriedly, “It's not cold in here or anything, I get cold easily.”

Yuuji fetched a blanket from the back of the chair, shaking it into the air. A flurry of dog hair and crumbs fell off it, making Chikara chuckle. He lay it over Chikara, who smiled up at Yuuji as he tucked it around his feet.

“Thank you.”

“I'm always too warm, sorry.” He touched the back of his fingers to Chikara's cheek, the only flesh he could find exposed. It was chillier than he expected, even though Chikara had told him he was cold. “See?”

“You really are h...warm.”

Yuuji nodded. “Sometimes keeps me awake,” he said, moving back to the sofa and starting up his console. “I sleep like a log unless I'm worried or it's too warm.”

“Wish I could. I'm always tired, but I don't sleep well.”

“Burning the candle at both ends, eh?” He smiled at Chikara. “Kind of ironic that you can't sleep when you help your viewers get to sleep.”

“I guess.” Chikara leaned his head to the side, resting it on a cushion to watch the game.

“Pizza'll be here soon. That'll warm you up.”

–

By the time the pizza arrived, the awkwardness had all but vanished. It felt like playing games with his flatmates, Chikara encouraging and mocking him in equal measure, punctured with comfortable silences. There was a lot of, “Me too!” from both ends of the sofa as they carried on discussions begun online, although Yuuji definitely talked about twice as much as Chikara.

At one point, he apologised for hogging a conversation about music, but Chikara shook his head. “It's fine, I'm saving myself for the livestream.”

“Looking after your instrument?”

Chikara snorted. “Yeah, whatever. You can have the last slice, by the way, I'm done.”

Yuuji mentally calculated how many he'd eaten. “Nah, I've had way more than you! You should have it.”

Chikara shook his head again. “I'm full, honestly.”

“You warmer now?”

“Yeah.”

“'Cause I just remembered, I have something that might help.” Yuuji leant into a pocket hanging over the arm of the sofa, fishing around amongst remote controls and pens, before finally pulling out what looked like a bundle of newspaper. “Here!”

Chikara picked it up from his lap where Yuuji had thrown it. “Thanks?”

“It's a present. To say thank you.”

“Yuuji! Stop giving me things!”

“It's nothing, really.”

Chikara smiled at the messy parcel and then back up at Yuuji. “It's...you're very generous.” He pulled a strip of newspaper off the top and pulled out a green woollen hat. Along the front of the rolled hem was embroidered “I believe” and then a silhouette of Bigfoot. “Does this say 'I believe Bigfoot', or 'I believe  _in_ Bigfoot'?”

“Either! Both! I don't know, I just thought it was funny. I've got a friend who runs a channel covering conspiracy theories and stuff. Mainly aliens to be honest. He sent me some merch. I kept the 'I believe aliens' one for myself. There was a ghost one, I forget who got that.”

As Yuuji spoke, Chikara's smile got more and more pronounced, until he grinned with all his teeth showing, and finally pulled the hat over his floppy dark hair. “I believe Bigfoot!”

Agro yelped slightly in surprise at Chikara's sudden raise in volume, causing both Yuuji and Chikara to look at each other in shock, before falling into sniggering at the dog.

“You ready to get streaming?” Yuuji asked.

 


	7. Journey 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I played this level and recorded Ian and I talking. This is almost verbatim.
> 
> (1.5k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 5 – Jellyfish Giblets *plus special guest*”]

“(whispering throughout) Yuuji: Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always. You may be surprised to see a shadowy form beside me. This is SleepyASMR, my special guest for the day! Introduce yourself, sir.

(also whispering) Chikara: Hey. I'm Chikara. As Yuuji said, I run an ASMR channel.

Yuuji: He's the one who got me to sleep the other week with scratching the mannequin head.

Chikara: Yes, I'm not the pretty Dutch man...

Yuuji: Shhh. Anyway, I asked him to come along because he was so helpful, I wanted to shower him with gifts to say thank you.

Chikara: He got me half a pizza and a bobble hat.

Yuuji: And you loved it.

Chikara: I loved the pizza...

Yuuji: And now we're playing the scariest level of Journey. That's why I invited him along really. 'Cause I need the support to travel through the spooky depths of...THE TUNNELS.

Chikara: I'm ready! Let's goo it!

Yuuji: Goo it?

Chikara: Let's do it!

Yuuji: You said goo...

Chikara: You could edit that out.

Yuuji: This is live.

Chikara: Shit.

Yuuji: (laughing) Let's GOO for it!

Chikara: That's terrible. Okay, so where are we now?

Yuuji: You may remember, last time we fell off a cliff and down a hole. After that, we walked through an arch which brought us out here. Usually referred to as the tunnels.

Chikara: Are we under water?

Yuuji: We are, kind of.

Chikara: This reminds me of Abzu...

Yuuji: Well, it's the same developer!

Chikara: Really? I didn't know that.

Yuuji: You've played it?

Chikara: Yes, it's very beautiful...I like the shafts of light here, coming through the ceiling. Like we're in the sewers or something.

Yuuji: Yeah, definitely. And the sand moves differently, like it's wet.

Chikara: Those sand waterfalls are lovely. If there is such a thing.

Yuuji: Hmm. I'm not sure that _is_ a thing to be honest. How would that happen, exactly?

Chikara: Where are you going? That's the wrong way surely.

Yuuji: I'm getting the glyph thing in here.

Chikara: Oh, I see. What do they do again?

Yuuji: They make my scarf longer. And the longer the scarf, the more flying juice I have. What?

Chikara: Flying juice?

Yuuji: What would you call it then?

Chikara: Energy?

Yuuji: Oh. Yeah that's a much better word. Then these bits are like the coral.

Chikara: Weeds, I'd say. They're moving like this...like tendrils. Coral doesn't move like that. Oh, that's gorgeous. Look at the bits of sand catching the light.

Yuuji: Sand? Where?

Chikara: The little dots floating in the water. There, look.

Yuuji: Giblets?

Chikara: What do you mean, giblets?

Yuuji: I don't mean giblets do I. What do I mean? Flib-fliblets?

Chikara: Yeah, fliblets...that's it, obviously. No, it's bits of shell and plankton and stuff.

Yuuji: FLOTSAM!

Chikara: It's not flotsam...

Yuuji: No, no, I mean, that's what I meant. It might not be what it _is_ but that's what I meant. Is that not what flotsam is? I thought it was, 'cause it floats.

Chikara: It's usually bigger than that. Oh, jellyfish!

Yuuji: Yes!

Chikara: Oh it's dark down here, isn't it?

Yuuji: Yes. If you get scared, let me know.

Chikara: Shut up.

Yuuji: If you need me to hold your hand or anything, like.

Chikara: Um...

Yuuji: Oh, we need to be careful here, this is where things start getting serious. There'll be something after us in a minute. He can't kill me, but he can bite off my scarf. My hard earned scarf. I think there's a glyph here...down the side. When I'm hiding from Big Billy Bollocks.

Chikara: Big Billy Bollocks?

Yuuji: Well, I don't know what he is. He's a bit like a skate. Is it a skate? A ray thing. What's it called?

Chikara: When I see it, I'll...

Yuuji: A RAY FISH. Is that a thing?

Chikara: Woah! That's huge! He can't kill you though?

Yuuji: It's not one of those at all is it?

Chikara: It's not, no. I don't know _what_ that is.

Yuuji: If he sees me he'll shoot at me. I need to hide...

Chikara: …It's tense, isn't it?

Yuuji: It is. 'Specially as I'm so bad at stealth.

Chikara: Sneak past him. Careful! He's right there!

Yuuji: Dude, I know. I've played this before.

Chikara: Sorry, I was just getting into it.

Yuuji: It's fine, it's cute. I'm going to stay over here out of his way.

Chikara: He's coming...

Yuuji: It's okay, don't worry, the door's here.

Chikara: Oh there's two of them now. Shit! The light, he's seen you! It's gone red!

Yuuji: Dude...

Chikara: Run! They've both seen you!

Yuuji: It's fine, look. Boom! I'm safe

Chikara: Yay!

Yuuji: Were you really worried?

Chikara: I was getting Agro flashbacks.

Yuuji: Aw, mate.

Chikara: I was a bit worried when they saw you and chased you. I thought you might have messed up. But you knew what you were doing.

Yuuji: Of course I did! That happens every time, there's no way to avoid them.

Chikara: Ah.

Yuuji: And here we are at the prayer spot.

Chikara: Time for more nonsensical exposition.

Yuuji: (laughs)

–

Three days later, Yuuji found himself looking for an excuse to ring Chikara again; the day after filming, it had been to say, 'Thank you,' and the day after that, he could give him some information on stats for the video and feedback from viewers. What was left?

Both phone calls had lasted over an hour past the original purpose, with hardly any effort. He couldn't even remember what they'd talked about, but his cheeks had ached from smiling at whatever it had been.

What could he ask about, or tell him about? What was so important that he needed to talk to him anyway?

Agro stretched in his sleep, dropping his chin onto Yuuji's thigh with a huff. Yuuji tickled his head. “We gonna have a walk soon, fella? I need to clear my head.”

Agro whined, and at the same time Yuuji felt the vibration of his phone ringing. He pulled it out with a smile at the screen.

“Hey, Chikara! I was just thinking about you.”

“ _Hey. Urm, I was wondering if...you had time to chat?_ ”

“Of course.” Yuuji lay on the sofa, pulling Agro up between his knees so he could carry on stroking his head. “Everything alright?”

“ _Yeah, I was watching a film. An old one I really love. Wondered if you'd seen it? It's pretty good. Seemed like something you might enjoy._ ”

Yuuji couldn't help smiling again. He could recognise a poor excuse from a mile away, he'd been thinking of them for the last couple of hours and had considered something pretty similar himself. “What was it?”

“ _Brazil. You seen it?_ ”

“I don't think so. What's it about?”

Yuuji listened as Chikara described the film in more detail than anyone would ever need to know (unless they wanted to work in film making) in the gentle voice Yuuji was starting to think about as he tried to fall asleep. He wasn't really following what he was saying, but he could have been reading the telephone directory and he would have been hypnotised by it.

“ _Yuuji?_ ”

“Huh?”

“ _You okay? I asked...never mind. I'm probably boring you._ ”

“No! Not at all! Sorry, I'm curled up on the sofa with Agro, I'm listening! What did you say?”

Chikara snorted softly. “ _It wasn't important. You want to borrow the DVD?_ ”

“Why don't you bring it round on Saturday...and do another video with me?” He hadn't really meant to blurt this out, it seemed Chikara really did have the ability to hypnotise him.

There was a sizeable pause on the other end of the line, before Chikara finally answered. “ _Can we pencil it in? I think I'm free but..._ ”

“No pressure! I had a good time last week, that's all.”

After another pause, Chikara said, “ _Yeah. Me too._ ”

“Okay, then. Open invite. Saturday at...four? I'll cook. Anything you don't eat?”

“ _I eat most things, yeah. Let me bring something though._ ”

This time Yuuji paused before taking a leap. “Well, you could bring some snacks, we could watch that film after taping.”

“ _Um. Maybe. It'll be getting quite late though, not sure when buses stop running._ ”

“We've got a spare bed in the office, you could stay over if that helps?” Yuuji sucked a breath in, instinctively knowing he might have overdone it, but unsure of how to take it back. Or if he wanted to take it back.

“ _I'll see on Saturday morning and let you know. Okay?_ ”

Yuuji sighed with relief and stopped himself from saying anything more than, “Sure.”

“ _What snacks? You like white chocolate?_ ”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

 


	8. Journey 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2.8k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 6 – Floating Alone”]

“(whispers) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always.

I was supposed to have a guest with me again this week, but unfortunately he had to cancel. So I'm back to playing on my own. Maybe another Pointy Feet will drop in again!

Bit weird playing alone after having company last week. Thanks for all your comments. I agree, Chikara does have an oddly soothing whisper! He also has a pleasant normal speaking voice. Much better than my squawking. If you enjoyed him last week, I've put a link to his channel in the description.

This level, we're going to be climbing the temple. It's beautiful, but also a pain in the arse, especially with this red cloak. With the white cloak, I think you can make it to the top without doing anything. I can't quite remember. That's not a very good life lesson though. You gots to works to gets where you're going.

Ah, right, here's the mechanics of this level. There's four areas like this you have to awaken by singing, and then water floods in. It's not really water, though, it's like...suspended particles. Flotsam again. Or fliblets. Can't remember what we decided last week. We did decide, after the video, that Gibletz (with a Z) was going to be my new rapper name. I can't remember Chikara's, maybe he'll comment...

This is so relaxing, honestly. I want everyone in the world to play this game...and feel its...wondrousness. That was a bit melodramatic, wasn't it?

Oh! While I work my way up, I should fill you in on Agro! He's doing so much better, this treatment is definitely working. Merida said yesterday it's working as expected. He has _a lot_ more weeks to go, but he's over the worst. I think he has to have weekly visits for a month, and then monthly visits for six. Thank heavens for insurance.

There are jellyfish here too, look! I think they're probably my favourite creature in the game. So graceful. Chikara prefers the flying scarves you can stand on, apparently, because they're useful.

Oh yeah, while I'm on the subject, we also gave Pointy Feet a name, after a long chat about where he's from. Chikara thinks his appearance is inspired by the Middle East, so we've called him Ansari after Aziz Ansari. According to Google, that means 'my helper' which seemed apt. It took...a while to decide on that.

This tower in the middle reminds me. I read about a hotel where the rooms are underwater. That really would be 'sleeping with the fishes'...sorry.

Ah right, so now the whole tower is full, I can show you an achievement you can get. Down here, on the bottom level, you can find this little fella with pincers. He's a creature from That Game Company's first game, Flow, which was...it's not really a game, it's an exercise in showing how gameflow works best. It's...interesting to play it, but it's not that exciting to watch someone else playing.

And here we are! At the penultimate prayer circle. After this, we have to climb the actual mountain. Best pack your warm clothing, Chikara, you're gonna get chilly.”

–

Despite insisting he was fine, Yuuji still wheedled Chikara's address out of him and wrote down the details of the train Chikara took the week before. It took just over forty minutes, through a combination of walking and the train, to get to the apartment block where Chikara lived on the ground floor. Seeing the buzzers reminded him he still didn't know Chikara's surname; he decided to try his luck with the only Japanese name on the list of twelve buzzers.

“Hey?” came Chikara's sleepy voice through the speaker.

He'd struck lucky. “It's me. And food!”

The buzzer went and Yuuji pulled the door open. The hallway was dark, with only two doors coming off it, as well as a stairwell and lifts. One door had 'Ennoshita, C' written neatly on a piece of white paper taped onto it; he went and knocked, finding it already ajar.

Gingerly he entered. It was as gloomy in the small entryway as it was the other side of the door. In front of him was a closed, glass-paned door, with another piece of paper taped to it. ' _Please lock the front door before you come in. I'm in the living room._ ' He did as he was instructed, clicking the front door closed, checking it with a tug on the handle, and then moving the bolt across.

He opened the glass door which led him to another small hallway with two doors, and was immediately struck with cold. One door was ajar and he could hear the murmur of a television which probably signified that was where he was heading. He stalled as he recollected how Chikara had removed his shoes before entering, so he took his own trainers off and threw them through the open glass door before closing it again.

Despite being left notes telling him where to go, he still tapped and spoke softly before pushing the door wider. “Chikara?” He got no answer but, as he was expected, he went in anyway.

It was still cold in this room, although somehow the low light didn't seem dingy in here, but more cosy. The curtains were pulled shut and only a small angle poise lamp provided light. The television he thought he heard turned out to be a laptop on a low table, which sat in front of a well-worn sofa. It was here he found Chikara, wrapped in a blanket, with two cats at strategic points along his sleeping form.

Not wanting to disturb him, he slipped back out of the door and through the other door to find a kitchen to sort out the food. However, the other door yielded simply a bedroom, with only a single bed and a door. He thought it unlikely this would lead to a kitchen, and he turned out to be correct as he opened it to find a bathroom.

He went back into the hallway to see if he missed a door, but all he found was a cupboard with fuses, paintbrushes and a hammer. Confused, he went back to the living room.

“Oh! Sorry, didn't realise you were awake,” Yuuji jumped as he walked back in and found Chikara now sitting up pulling the blanket around his shoulders. “I wasn't snooping, I was looking for the kitchen.”

Chikara rubbed his face sleepily. “We're in it,” he said with a yawn. “Want a coffee?”

“I'll make it, you stay there. Where...” Yuuji looked around and saw something he missed earlier; two kitchen units either side of a fridge in the corner of the room, creating a work surface which housed a kettle, microwave and toaster. “Ah!” He went over with his bag, stroking one of the cats as he passed.

“Coffee is in the left hand cupboard. Sorry, I don't have tea.”

“Coffee is fine. Urm, plates?”

“Other cupboard.” Chikara looked over with a frown. “There's only two cupboards, it's not difficult.”

“I know! But I didn't want to trawl through your stuff.” What little of it there was, he thought but kept to himself. He found mugs near the plates, cutlery in a round tin near the kettle, and a ridiculously large stash of chocolate behind the coffee and sugar.

As he prepared the food, he could hear Chikara yawning every so often from the sofa, where he'd laid down again. One of the cats had made their way from the sofa to the kitchen area, optimistically winding their way between Yuuji's ankles and purring.

“None of this is for you, kitten,” he said as he finished putting the plates of food together; he'd brought a few different things, hopefully a broad enough spread as he was still unsure of what Chikara ate. There was chicken and cheese, two things most people seemed to like and which they'd had on the pizza, as well as some bread and salad which he similarly thought you couldn't go wrong with. He'd brought hummus too since it was one of his favourite things.

The cat gave up begging and walked back into the main area. It wasn't often he was cold, but the chill in this room was pervasive, as if it had had time to settle and seep into the walls. There was no wonder Chikara was always cold if this was how he lived. He followed the cat, carrying the food and drinks, back to the sofa, placing everything on the table.

“This was unnecessary. Really. I'm fine.” Chikara sounded irritable, Yuuji supposed because he was tired.

“You said you weren't well.” He turned and found a blanket on the back of the sofa. “Is it okay if I use this?”

Chikara nodded, tearing off a chunk of bread and scooping some hummus with it. Yuuji smiled and congratulated himself on bringing the dip. He wasn't sure if the silence was that comfortable, but he was happy he made the decision to come over; there was hardly any food in the house and Chikara didn't look to be in any fit state to go and get anything.

“So. What's up? How long have you been sick? Hope it's just an overnight thing.”

Chikara exhaled through his nose, but didn't answer.

“Did you watch the livestream?” Yuuji asked after swallowing some cheese.

“I was asleep. I'll watch later.”

“No worries. Thought you might not have. Kazu's sorting it now so it'll be up later.”

“Cool.”

The following silence was as thick as their blankets and almost as cold as the air. Chikara ate and Yuuji wondered why the atmosphere was so tense. If he hadn't wanted company, he could have said. Yuuji was only trying to help. He started to feel irritable himself as he started on the chicken.

“Hey, I just realised. What are your cats' names?”

Chikara sighed. “Sorry, but I'm really not in the mood to talk.”

“Then why did you invite me over?”

An indignant, “Hah!” cut through the air. “I didn't invite you, you invited yourself.”

“You gave me your address!”

“Because you wouldn't stop asking! I'm tired and didn't have the energy to keep saying no.” He put his plate down on the table with a clatter and pulled the blanket around himself more. “There, I ate something. Now, maybe you should go.”

Yuuji put his own plate down and swivelled on the sofa to face Chikara, mirroring his blanket cocoon. Chikara refused to lift his eyes from the cat's fur he was stroking, so Yuuji simply waited until the tension in Chikara's shoulders loosened a bit.

“I'm sorry,” Yuuji said quietly, “I didn't mean to...I was worried and wanted to help. I know I can be a bit overbearing. I have four younger sisters, the instinct to look after people kicks in and...I don't mean to do it. It's probably why I'm so loud, too. You have to be to make yourself heard at home.”

Chikara looked up finally, mouth pulled to one side. “Mittens and Bob. That's the cats' names.” He smiled apologetically. “What about your sisters?”

“Maki, Mei, Chie, Ikue. Youngest, Maki, is sixteen, then Mei and Chie are twins. Ikue's only a year younger than me, we're really close.” He leant forward and picked up some more bread. “She was a dancer, until she had a baby last year.”

The silence fell again, the only sound in the room Yuuji chewing and Chikara picking at his bread with his fingernails.

“Yuuji, I'm sorry too. I...thanks for coming over. Really.”

“It's fine. You're sick, no wonder you're a bit grumpy.” Yuuji smiled and nudged Chikara with his foot, but he didn't return the smile.

“Look. I need to tell you something.” Chikara leaned sideways to rest on the back of the sofa, looking straight at Yuuji. “I'm...always sick. To some degree.”

Yuuji stopped smiling. “What do you mean?”

Chikara sighed. “I have M.E. Some days it's worse than others. Today is a bad day, that's why I couldn't make it over. But I'm not 'sick', I'm...well, I'm fatigued. I don't have the energy to do things sometimes.”

“Will it...can it be cured?”

“No. It's really a case of managing the symptoms.”

Yuuji dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand. “Fuck. Sorry. I don't really know what it is, but it sounds like it sucks. Is that why you're always cold?”

“Eh,” he shrugged, “That's...I don't want to get into that. Not right now. I don't have the energy.”

“Sorry,” he started to apologise, but Chikara cut him off.

“No, it's okay. I'm sorry I wasn't more grateful. I'm...not good at being helped.” His face was calmer now, even with dark ringed eyes and paler than usual skin, he looked happier again, somehow. “I'm twenty-six, I don't like feeling like an invalid. And it's only about a year since I got diagnosed, my mind hasn't quite...caught up with it yet. You know, like...I'm not accepting it and still overdoing things and then I have to take days to recuperate.”

Yuuji nodded sympathetically, stroking whichever of the cats – Chikara hadn't told him which was which yet, and he didn't like to interrupt the flow they'd built up – had climbed into his lap. “I know it's not the same, but it kinda reminds me of Agro. Some days he still gets really tired doing things he used to be able to do easily.” He laughed and clarified. “You can't convince dogs to save up their energy though, right? Not like you. You probably rest up before you have to do really physical stuff.”

“Something like that." He cleared his throat. "Urm...where is he today?”

Yuuji found himself fascinated by the flush which had appeared on Chikara's cheek, it took him a moment to answer. “I left him at home, 'cause of your cats.”

“Ah. Of course.” He looked back up, yawning again. “Can I be really awful and ask if you don't mind leaving? I still don't feel great.”

Yuuji carefully slid the cat onto the sofa between them. “Of course.” He started to rise, but paused; without thinking, he picked up Chikara's hand where it rested on top of the blanket. “You're really cold, you know. You ought to turn the heating up. Shall I do it on the way out?”

Chikara looked down again at their hands, before pulling his away and shoving it under the blanket. “It's okay, it'll be coming back on soon.”

“If you're sure...” Yuuji didn't want to push too much after earlier, even though he'd already noticed the lack of radiators in the flat and had been trying to get information from Chikara with his question. “I'll let myself out. Get some rest.” He stood and turned to walk away, but then felt a tug. He turned back to see Chikara leaning forward, holding the hem of his top.

“Wait,” Chikara said, “C-could you make me a coffee before you go?”

“Of course! But...” He stopped himself from speaking, not wanting to leave on a sour note. “It's fine.”

“What?”

“I was going to interfere, doesn't matter.”

“Go on, tell me.”

Yuuji sat back down, continuing his stroking of the cat which had now clambered onto Chikara. “I _was_ going to say if you drink too much coffee you won't sleep, but you're an adult, you already-”

He was stopped from finishing his sentence by Chikara touching the back of his hand as it moved through the cat's fur. He rested it there, his cold fingers gently curling around the side of Yuuji's hand; Yuuji looked into Chikara's face and, seeing something there that he could be almost sure of, turned his hand to rest his warmer fingers between Chikara's.

“You said I could hold your hand if I got too scared,” Chikara managed to say, after finally looking up from watching Yuuji's thumb rubbing his palm. “If...if you want to...know, have a look at my personal channel. You have my permission to watch the other videos. I mean...I thought you would have anyway. I think it'll help. There's one that should definitely answer a lot of questions you probably have.”

“Okay,” he softly said, standing up again. “I'll watch it when I get back. Can you answer just one question, do you think?”

Chikara held up a finger, grinning. “Fine. But just one.”

“Which cat is this?” he asked, pointing at the cat still curled up on Chikara's knee.

“This is Mittens.”

Yuuji nodded and walked away quickly before he asked what he really wanted to know.

 


	9. Chikara's video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1.4k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “Where I've Been – softly spoken rambling catch-up”]

“(soft spoken) Hey. It's Chikara. First, I want to apologise for my absence. I know I don't have thousands of followers, but I've had a few comments hoping I'm alright. Well, I won't lie. I'm not. But I'm better than I was.

I won't go through the whole story. It's long, depressing, and more or less irrelevant now. I'll tell you the important bits. Even then, I'm only telling you all in case anyone can help, or in case anyone is going through the same thing. Bit of solidarity, perhaps.

I have notes here to help me, so excuse me having to keep looking down. Right.

First of all, I had to quit my job. There's only so long they legally have to keep a job open to someone who has been signed off work with illness. They were very nice about it, but I'm still distraught. To get into the business, an internship is...well it's everything. I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to work with them again. Or _work_ again, full stop. Anyway...

I also got a diagnosis. As I thought, it's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. For anyone new to the channel, I suspected it could be this. It's sometimes called M.E too, I prefer that to be honest. I had a lot of the symptoms, most notably getting tired easily and not being able to concentrate – both things which got in the way of my job, and why I'm not sure I'll be able to ever do what I wanted to. I used to be able to run around the set all day when I first started working at the studio, but then I started feeling like I was wearing lead boots, kept forgetting things I was asked to do.

The bad news is, there's no cure. There isn't even really treatment. I've seen some therapists and pain management teams, but really, it's, 'Rest when you need to.' They've referred me to places to help me cope, so I'm waiting for that.

The _really_ bad news is I don't qualify for sick pay any more, so I had to sign back on for Jobseekers Allowance – if you're not in the UK, that's a benefit paid to people looking for work. So, I have to appear to be looking for work, even though I'm not well enough to _actually_ work. I'm also waiting for an assessment to see if I can get long term sickness pay of some kind. I don't really understand it all, and it makes my head hurt.

The _really really_ bad news is I couldn't afford to stay living where I was, so I had to take the only place I could afford. I get help towards rent along with my Jobseekers, but I'm still limited. I had to sell a lot of stuff, like the TV and my bike, and store some at Mum's, because I could only manage this two roomed flat. Ground floor places cost more than others and I couldn't risk being higher up and the lift breaking down, not with my health how it is. I can barely get up some days.

This place...Mum cried when she saw it. She asked me to move home for a bit, but she doesn't have room in her little place, especially now there's boxes of my stuff there again. Plus, I want to stick around here in case I manage to work again. If I want to work in films, I need to be near London.

So, I decided to rent here. I made it look better than it did, but it's still damp in the bathroom and the mould doesn't help. The one silver lining, I suppose, is that it's small enough to heat one room quickly, although I have to use an electric heater – there's no central heating, and the shower heats itself, so I've turned off the gas to save money. It's quite cold, but I have loads of blankets and the cats.

Mum thought I was stupid to keep the cats and sell the TV, but they don't cost that much, not really. They aren't fussy about food, and there's a small patch of garden so I let them come and go. They're not really 'mine' anyway, they just hung around in my old place, so I'm claiming them.

That's it, really. I have no job, my flat is shit, and I'm still not well enough to do much. But I'm trying, that's all I can keep doing. And hopefully this assessment will help me get some long term benefit so they'll stop hassling me about getting a job and let me try and sort my life out instead.

In the meantime, I managed to be able to afford internet access – since I don't have to pay for a TV license – so I kept my laptop and mics and can carry on making videos. I had to store my console with Mum since I don't have a TV any more, so I'm going to branch out and try and make some videos which are more...experimental I suppose is the best word to describe it. I'll be using free or cheap things to make sounds instead of doing playthroughs. I haven't decided yet whether to make a whole new channel, but if I do, I'll announce it here.

Thanks for your support through all this. I'm going to keep going in this flat as long as I can. I feel like moving back in with Mum would be a huge step backwards, and I need to keep moving forwards. Otherwise...I might give up altogether.”

–

Yuuji scrolled through Chikara's old channel most of the evening, watching on his phone while laying in bed. By the time he was finished, he was shocked to see it was three in the morning, not least because he'd had an idea he couldn't put into action until it was seven, at the very earliest.

He didn't usually allow himself four minutes, let alone four hours, to think through an idea. Usually he acted on instinct, which was more or less successful most of the time. Unless it went horribly wrong.

Anyone in his situation would do this, surely. He had a friend who needed help, and he could offer it. He didn't _need_ time to think. He tried to sleep as he waited, but gave up at five and started getting everything sorted.

It didn't take long to move aside the detritus in the office. The spare futon had been used as a place to store piles of papers and receipts, which Yuuji kept meaning to file together in a box. This was the perfect excuse to get on with it. The recording equipment had to stay where it was, since it was wired in the correct way and he didn't dare disturb it all.

There was room in the lounge for a lot of the other stuff that needed clearing out of the office, and he knew Kazu and Haru wouldn't complain. The house was his (well, the bank's, but he paid the mortgage) and he didn't really charge them enough rent as it was; they both pitched in and helped with his channel, and he let them off a lot of it, writing it off as a business expense. His accountant, Hajime, was good at letting him know how much he was earning, and as the mortgage was covered each month with his reviewing work, he didn't worry too much about helping out his friends.

That's all he was doing now; this friend just happened to be a new one. Who he may or may not be developing a slight crush on, he hadn't decided yet. Lack of sleep wasn't letting him focus too hard on that, if he was being honest.

By seven, the office was clean, tidy, and had spare room for storing someone's possessions. He'd moved a lot of stuff into other rooms of the house, but it wasn't noticeable. The living room had been sparse anyway. Everyone else had bigger bedrooms than his, including the office space; he chose the smallest bedroom for himself so he could spread his things all over the rest of the house without complaint.

Haru appeared at the doorway rubbing his eyes a few minutes after. “Yuuji, have you slept? I heard you clattering around a couple of hours ago.” He looked around at the tidy surfaces, freshly made bed, and open window. “What's going on?”

“I've made the office habitable.” He turned and looked at Haru's confused expression, took a deep breath, and said, “I'm going to ask Chikara to move in.”

 


	10. Unrest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “Film Review (and catch up) with Ennoshita: Unrest”]

“Keiji: Hello everyone. Welcome to The Saturday Show. Today I'm reviewing a film with Chikara. 

Chikara: Hey.

Keiji: It's been a while since we've had you on. Last time you were here, you told us you were working for October Films working on a documentary. What's been happening since then?

Chikara: Well, unfortunately, I had to stop working due to ill health, but I hope to go back to working shortly. In the meantime, I'm working on a script as well as keeping up with my ASMR channel.

Keiji: Sorry to hear you've not been well.

Chikara: Thanks. Yeah, I've been diagnosed with M.E.

Keiji: Would you talk about that a bit?

Chikara: Yeah, sure. It's a neurological condition affecting the nervous and immune systems. There's a wide variety of symptoms, but one which everyone experiences is severe fatigue.

Keiji: This is more than just being tired, right?

Chikara: That's right. For me, it takes my body a long time to recover after exertion. I'm working on things to help with this, but there really isn't a cure or well established treatment for it. Part of the problem is we don't really know exactly what causes it.

Keiji: So, it's not hereditary or anything?

Chikara: Sometimes more than one person in a family has it, but not mine. My mother does suffer with migraines, which I also get, but that's the only thing we have in common, really.

Keiji: Thanks for being so open about it.

Chikara: I'd like to help raise awareness if I can. I know my own channel isn't a huge platform, and I don't wish to...use our friendship to do so. The script I'm writing is about someone who has M.E so I've been watching films about chronic illnesses recently.

Keiji: And we both happened to watch the same documentary, so I suggested when you next visited your Mother that we review it together. So here we are.

Chikara: Yes, it's called 'Unrest', and is a documentary directed by Jennifer Brea about her own experiences with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Keiji: Let's watch a short clip and then talk more about it.”

–

Chikara shifted in his seat uncomfortably. The leather of the chairs in Keiji's office wasn't supple but tautly pulled over steel tubes bending in a U shape. The rest of the room was as clinical; white walls, light wood floor, white furniture with little on display. The years after university had been kind to Keiji.

That was unfair, Chikara berated himself. Keiji worked hard. He had a job writing for a well-known magazine and website devoted to cinema, as well as paying his dues in a studio for more years than Chikara managed. His YouTube channel had many more subscribers than his own, although still less than Yuuji, and he had no issue with helping Chikara get a larger audience. Every little bit helped, right? He shouldn't begrudge Keiji a damn thing.

He came back with two steaming mugs of camomile tea. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Chikara said, taking the tea, before deciding, “Actually, can I sit on a different chair? My joints are playing up.”

“Of course. Let's finish this later. We can sit in the lounge for a while and get comfy.”

The lounge was less stark, but still modern and uncluttered. It was so different to Yuuji's, the only thing the same was the framed YouTube award. Chikara had never managed to get one, falling just short of the hundred thousand subscribers needed.

Without saying anything, Keiji passed a woollen blanket, knitted with thick strands of mustard wool. Chikara thanked him, wrapping it around himself, tucking in his feet.

“So, what's the visit for?” Keiji asked, cupping his mug in both hands and sipping from it.

Chikara looked at his own tea, picking at the paper label attached to the string so he didn't have to look at Keiji. He was dreading the question, knew it was coming, but still had no answer he wanted to share.

“Chikara?”

“I...I'm not...Keiji, what's the point? I should just give up and come back for good. Why am I so stubborn?”

Keiji didn't need to ask what he was talking about. “Because you're passionate. And determined. It's not stubbornness.”

Chikara groaned and brought his knees closer to his chest. “Maybe it's foolishness?

Keiji laughed. “Is it really that bad?”

Yes, it was. “No...”

“Don't lie.”

“Keiji...”

“I've told you. If you need money?”

Chikara shook his head. “No, I don't want that, I could never pay you back.” He put his tea down and pulled the blanket further around him so only his head poked out. “Talk about something else.”

There was a moment where it looked like Keiji would carry on, but then he crossed a leg over the other and leaned back on the sofa with an arm laying across the back of it. “Okay. How's your love life?”

“Not that,” Chikara groaned.

“Oh?” He sipped his tea. “No news?”

“Nope. What about you?”

“You know about mine. Waiting for him to come back, aren't I?” Keiji leant backwards, picking up a framed photograph standing on the windowsill behind him, and passed it over to Chikara. “He's playing for his national team, I can't expect him to come back here until he's ready.”

Chikara looked at the brawny man in his Japan team kit, fists clenched and mouth open. “Why do you have this one framed, you oddball?”

“He's so happy there. Makes me smile.”

“Are _you_ happy?”

Keiji thought before saying simply, “Yes.” He took back the photo and replaced it, gaze lingering on it for a few seconds too long. “So, if you moved back here, you wouldn't be leaving...a sweetheart behind?”

“Sweetheart? What are you, eighty?”

“Good way to avoid the question.”

Shit. “No, nothing like that.”

“So earlier on. That phone call. That wasn't...someone?”

After avoiding Yuuj's phone calls for three weeks, he'd been distracted talking to Keiji and had answered it without thinking. He didn't have the mental capacity to deal with the conversation they needed to have, so he simply said he was busy and hung up. At least, that's what he tried to do. Being unable to resist Yuuji begging him to wait a minute meant he got to hear that Agro was getting worse again, and he'd been nursing a weight in his chest ever since.

“Someone I've been working with.”

“Someone who makes you look like that when you talk about him?”

How did he look when he spoke of Yuuji? He know how he felt; ungrateful, ashamed, thoughtless. How would these emotions show themselves on his face? “What do you mean?”

“You have that soft, doey look you used to get at uni whenever that tall boy with the fringe walked in. What was his name?”

“Kenji.”

“Yeah, him.” Keiji put his cup on the table and moved over to the other sofa next to Chikara. “You can talk to me about it. I mean...I don't know what's happened but you can tell me anything.”

When Chikara looked up at his friend, who he'd known for nearly ten years and shared some of the best and worst times of his life with, he didn't know where to start. He supposed the most vital part of everything was to clear up the lie he'd just told.

“I've been back at Mum's for three weeks.”

“Chikara,” Keiji spoke softly, placing a hand on his knee. “You daft bastard. Why did you wait to come and see me?”

“I was too ill. I got a chest infection and had to go into hospital for a couple of days, so Mum fetched me and brought me back with the cats to recuperate. All my stuff is still at the flat, but I'm going to give notice and move back for good.”

“Is that why you're so sad about the mysterious caller?”

“No. That's...it's complicated.”

“How?”

“Because he asked me to move in with him. And I said no.”

“But...hang on. I thought you weren't seeing him?”

Chikara sighed. “He only offered me his spare bed because he saw the shithole of a flat I live in. I told him about my illness and now he feels sorry for me. I don't need pity.”

“But you didn't tell him any of that?” When Chikara shook his head, Keiji sighed in exasperation. “Does he know where you are?”

Chikara shook his head again. “He asked me to reconsider, so I told him to give me time to think. Next day the doctor came round, sent me to hospital, and I haven't spoken to Yuuji since. Until earlier today.” He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “It's such a mess. His dog is ill and I'm miles away. I'm no fucking help when he needs....” He looked up at Keiji desperately. “He offered me a job, with rent as part of my wages. And the job would be perfect 'cause it's working from home doing admin for him, helping with videos. I could do it in my  _sleep._ ”

“Why did...”

“And it's a house with four people in it, it's not like he's asking me to live with _him_. He even said I can bring the cats! I'd have my own room, and _heating_ , and people there if I needed help, and a _job_ doing something I'm good at. He has such a good recording set-up, I could use it for my own videos. And...”

Keiji interrupted him with, “Why did you say no?”

“Huh?”

“It sounds perfect. Plus you sound really excited about it. Why turn him down?”

“Be-because...it's _too_ perfect, isn't it? Something is bound to go wrong.”

Keiji punched his arm, and then apologised when Chikara rubbed it. “Sorry! But, to be fair to me, you  _are_ being an idiot. You deserved that.”

“Hey! I'm sick...”

“Don't pull that with me, it won't work.” Keiji flicked his upper arm through the blanket. “So far, all I've heard are pros and I can guess what you think the con is. 'I'm not good enough,' is what you're going to say. He wouldn't be offering unless he thought you could do the job! You need to get over yourself, Chikara. Accept that you're good at what you do and...”

“That's not it!” Chikara shouted, irritated. “I know I can do the job!”

“So what's the problem then?”

“I like him! Okay! Happy now? I have a _huge_ crush on him. But he doesn't feel the same, he feels sorry for me. And if I move in I'm going to make an arse of myself by falling for him even more and he'll turn me down 'cause why would he want _me_? The state I'm in.” The confession had made Chikara sob as he was speaking, but he carried on through gulping breaths. “And then I really will have to move back in with Mum, only I'll be heartbroken as well. So I decided to move back now, while I'm only sick and poor.”

“Oh, mate, come here.” Keiji pulled Chikara into a hug, rubbing his arm where he'd punched it earlier. “Sorry if I hurt you.”

“It's alright, I did deserve it. What the fuck am I going to do?”

After a few minutes of hugging and rubbing his back, Keiji moved away and stood up. “I'm going to make some more tea, then we'll talk it through, okay?”

Chikara nodded and watched him go, before getting his phone out to text Yuuji.

“ _Sorry I haven't been in touch. Please keep me up to date with Agro, and I promise to tell you what's been going on as soon as I can._ ”

It took only two minutes to get a reply.

“ _I was happy to hear your voice and know you're okay. Thanks, I'll tell you how he gets on at the vet tomorrow. Take all the time you need, I'll be here. Yuuji x_ ”

Chikara looked towards the ceiling and groaned. He hoped Keiji had plenty of time and teabags.

 


	11. Journey 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warning for Journey I guess?
> 
> (1.7k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 7 – Cold (Sloping) Shoulders”]

“(soft spoken) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always.

Sorry there hasn't been a new one of these for a while. I don't even know if anyone likes them or not, or even cares, whatever. Anyway. I'm always starting things and then never finishing it, and this time, I thought NO I'm finishing this whatever happens. I just hadn't felt like playing Journey for a couple of weeks.

There's nothing in particular, before you all worry. Agro is...well, he's been up and down. So have I, I won't lie. We both had a bad day on Saturday, so I spent the whole of Sunday with him feeling really sorry for myself. Thankfully, this morning the vet said it's nothing to worry about. Oh God, dudes, I was so tired and sad I accidentally called her Merida. Luckily she laughed, but I felt terrible.

I have to start thinking before I speak, huh?

(whispers) Okay, we're on the mountain. This section feels so cold! It's a pity I'm alone again. I mean, there are no players online, not...it's nicer doing this bit with another player, it's kind of emotional. Well, I dunno if anyone else gets emotional, but I always do.

I think I get sad 'cause the top of this mountain is where the game really finishes. Wow, this snow is so much more beautiful than I remember. Look how it's all powdery as I walk through it, its...

(shouts) OH MY GOD! (whispers) Sorry, but look! Another Pointy Feet joined in! I'm...Ansari aren't I? What shall we call this one...Flotsam! Hello Flotsam! Oh, man. I can't believe I was just talking about someone turning up and then they did. I don't think that's a coincidence, man, I think I _willed_ that to happen.

Hiya! Argh! This is amazing! Urgh, I can't believe I've been so lonely I'm this excited to see Flotsam. He's as happy to see me, look. (pause) Alright, calm down you clingy bastard, stop singing at me! I don't know what you want. What do you want from me? I don't know what people want in real life, let alone this game...

I've forgotten where I'm going, thank goodness this other fella is here to keep me on track. Are you waiting for me? I don't know where I'm going, don't trust me too much. I'll try though, mate.

Oh, look at us hiding behind here together. This is so cute. Look, we glow slightly redder when we're next to each other. We're keeping each other warm. Hiya, pal. It's nice having a pal. Sorry I called you clingy I'm happy to see you really.

I think he got annoyed with me, he ran off. No wait. He's waiting for me to catch up. I wish there was some way of telling him how happy I am to have someone with me on this long walk.

Do you remember the big fish thing we met underwater? That I thought was a ray and Chikara put me straight? Well, he's back here, trying to stop me climbing the mountain. We have to be careful here, Flotsam. Stick by me, I'll take care of you.

Oh no! Shit, I was so busy protecting Flotsam, the monster saw me! Wanker! Urgh, I've lost some of my scarf now. Why is he still waiting for me? I'm slightly worried now that he wants someone to go through the final level with him and I'm not doing that today, and he'll be annoyed with me. Although he'll never know who I am, so who cares if I annoy him right?

Listen to me! 'I don't know who you are, so it doesn't matter if I annoy you.'? That's no way to live life! That's Trump that is. Yuuji, you bastard, don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution! Okay, I don't know what he wants, but I'm going to go with him where he wants me to go. I mean, why not, right? I'm not doing anything else and this is the most social I've been for a couple of weeks. Lead on, Flotsam!”

–

Even though he knew it was coming, Yuuji cried when they both died at the top of the mountain. He always did. The first time, he wondered if he'd done something wrong until the game carried on with a short scene, during which he tried to find some tissues. This time, after the scene finished, his avatar came round and the other player had vanished.

Sleep didn't come easily, as it hadn't for a couple of weeks. He'd messed things up with Chikara and upset him, that had to be why he was avoiding him now. What a fucking stupid, patronising thing to do, to think he could swoop in and solve everything for Chikara, like he wasn't an adult capable of making his own choices.

His lack of hesitation was always making a fool of him, whether it was calling the vet by a stupid nickname he'd given her, or deciding he had the solution to a problem he'd literally only just become aware of. He hadn't explained things properly to Chikara at all, which hadn't helped; if he knew Kazu was starting a new job and he actually needed someone working for him, it might have felt less like charity. Without that key piece of information, of course it would sound like he'd created a job simply to help Chikara. Instead, he'd blurted everything out in the wrong order and come across like a maniac at first (“Come and live with me!”) and then a pimp (“There's no rent to pay, you can work for me!”).

One year he might not be an idiot, but it wasn't looking hopeful for this one.

A small knock brought him round from his slumber at nine. Kazu poked his head around the door, softly saying, “Yuuji?”

He groaned in response and pulled his duvet further up.

“I know you're awake. I wouldn't normally do this, but there's someone at the door.”

“Who goes to someone's house this early in the morning? Tell them to come back later.”

“Well, I would, but he says he's moving in?”

–

Yuuji threw on some clothes and rushed into the kitchen to find a large blue rucksack by the door and a wheeled suitcase poking out from behind it. Kazu stood by the window, looking confused at Yuuji when he walked in; he nodded towards the table, making a questioning face, clearly wondering who the stranger was. It was only then Yuuji realised Kazu had no idea who Chikara was, let alone that he'd invited him to live there. Yet another patented Terushima fuck-up.

Chikara sat at the table wearing his Bigfoot beanie, drinking tea and stroking Agro's head. He'd lost weight, even though it had only been three weeks, so much so his cheeks were beginning to hollow. From somewhere, Yuuji got the sudden urge to cook him a roast dinner. Either that, or give him a hug. He decided against both actions, and simply said, “Hi.”

Chikara looked up, even sleepier than usual, but with a smile. “Hey.”

“You've not met Kazu yet, right?” He looked up at Kazu. “This is Chikara.”

Recognition spread across his forehead smoothing out the wrinkles, before he raised his eyebrows. “O...kay...sounds like I have a lot to catch up on, when you're finished talking. I'll..leave.” With a final look of bewilderment at Yuuji, who shrugged, Kazu left them alone.

“He seems well,” Chikara said quietly, still stroking Agro's ears. “Is he finally over it?”

Yuuji sat down opposite him at the table, but Chikara kept looking at the dog's ears between his fingers. His nails were bitten to the quick, the skin picked at the sides of his thumbs red raw. Yuuji sucked through his teeth in concern, causing Chikara to look up.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, fine. Ya know.” Yuuji waved a hand in the air to seem more flippant than he felt. “People turn up at my house every day with all their belongings.”

Chikara looked back down again, speaking quietly from under the hair hanging out of his hat. “I'm sorry I didn't call first. My friend offered me a lift yesterday and helped me pack stuff up. This isn't everything. I mean, there isn't a lot more, but I didn't bring everything in case...” He huffed through his nose. “I don't even know if the offer is still there, but I want to accept.”

Yuuji leapt to his feet. “Of course! Of course the offer is there! The room is still made up and...I should have said, Kazu is starting a new job, that's why I need help. It's not charity! I really need someone and...”

“Okay, okay, it's fine, even if it was charity, I need it.” He laughed a little. “I literally can't live in that flat any more. I got so sick from it I had to stay in hospital for a bit. I've been so much better while staying with Mum...”

“You were in hospital? You went _home_?” Yuuji yelled indignantly, “Without telling me?”

“Well, yeah. Sorry.” Chikara smiled sheepishly at him. “Then my friend – Keiji – he talked to me about your offer and I realised it was stupid not to say yes. I mean, not everything that seems too good to be true _is._ Right?”

“Yeah! Some things are fate. Or coincidence maybe. You need somewhere to live and I need someone with your skills. It's not _that_ unusual is it?” Yuuji wrinkled his nose. “I mean, I know it sounds dodgy as fuck when I say it like that.”

Chikara laughed. “Oh, I did miss you...” He trailed off and cleared his throat. “So...yeah...urm, when do you need me to start working?”

“Next Monday? Give you a chance to get settled in. We can fetch your stuff tomorrow, if you like.”

“That would be great.” He looked up smiling, mug still cradled in his hands and the dog's head still in his lap.

To Yuuji, he already looked like he was settled, like he belonged there, but he didn't dare say that. It sounded like one of those other things that seemed too good to be true.

 


	12. Journey 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1.9k)
> 
> Spoilers for Journey

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Game Playthrough – Journey 8 – Summit”]

Yuuji: (whispers) Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always.

Chikara: (normal voice) Hey!

Yuuji: (normal voice) Chikara! We're whispering this!

Chikara: (whispering) Oops, sorry. Is that better?

Yuuji: (whispering) Much better. Well, that ruined my surprise. I've got a secret guest...

Chikara: (muffled laughter)

Yuuji: Chikara! Ta-da!

Chikara: Hey.

Yuuji: Big news...Chikara is my new assistant! It was kinda hard to keep secret. For anyone worried, no, I didn't sack Kazu. He was head hunted to work for another channel full-time. So Chikara is going to be taking over as my assistant. He's been working with us as a trial for about four weeks, but today we went to see Hajime and signed all the contracts. You're officially part of the team, dude!

Chikara: What a stroke of luck that pretty Dutch man showed me your video...

Yuuji: Oh, please stop reminding me about that!

Chikara: You blush every time though!

Yuuji: I could still kick you out, you know. Oh yeah, viewers, Chikara lives here now as well. The house is over-flowing with people and animals!

Chikara: I didn't think Agro would get on with my cats as well as he has, but they're fine together.

Yuuji: I know! Chikara has two cats called Mittens and Bob. They're pretty chill. I'm still not sure which is which though. They're both black.

Chikara: Mittens has white paws. Hence MITTENS.

Yuuji: Oh! Okay...we thought to celebrate our new team, we'd finish the Journey playthrough together. I left us here on the mountain, and I never realised you can actually go back down the hill!

Chikara: Why would you want to go back? Never go backwards, Yuuji.

Yuuji: But if I could, I'd replay every bad decision I ever made and do it right this time.

Chikara: Then you wouldn't be you.

Yuuji: True.

Chikara; Oh, this music is gorgeous!

Yuuji: Isn't it?

Chikara: Your scarf's really long...

Yuuji: Well, I'm dead now aren't I?

Chikara: Are you?

Yuuji: Yeah! I'm reliving the game, look. Jellyfish, waterfalls. 

(pause)

Yuuji: So, how does this make you feel, Chikara?

Chikara: Well, it's quite an emotional ride. It's taken a while to get here, and yet it feels like only yesterday we were swimming with those jellyfish.

Yuuji: The first time I did this level, I was just racing through trying to get to the end. I didn't take it in at all.

Chikara: And now you're just standing there.

Yuuji: It really is like life, racing through it. We need to stop and...stand on the jellyfish every now and again.

Chikara: Oh yeah. _Just_ like life...

Yuuji: It's so peaceful. I could stay in this level all day.

Chikara: I'm not sure I can. What's next?

Yuuji: Once I jump into that stream, that's it. It takes me to the end. Are you ready?

Chikara: I'm not sure. What's going to happen?

Yuuji: I don't want to spoil it.

Chikara: You know, I already feel like I'm going to cry at the end.

Yuuji: Yeah! It's emotional. It's _definitely_ more emotional when you have another Pointy Feet with you. Did you see Flotsam the other week? I should have finished it with them.

Chikara: Well... _I'm_ with you today...

Yuuji: This is the point of no return...

Chikara: Just like real life...

(pause)

Chikara: How long are you going to wait?

Yuuji: I don't know. It sounds stupid, but I was hoping Flotsam might turn up again.

Chikara: I don't think anyone's coming. I think we just need to make the leap and go for it. I really want to see what happens!

Yuuji: Don't get too excited, dude. Nothing much more happens.

Chikara: Oh really? But I turned it off so I didn't ruin the end! I was wait...urm...

Yuuji: What do you mean?

Chikara: Nothing. Come on, let's go through!

Yuuji: Let's GOO it?

Chikara: Yeah.

Yuuji: Wait, I want to see if I _can_ go backwards...

Chikara: Yuuji! We can't go back. Let's get to the end.

Yuuji: Okay, okay.

(pause)

Chikara: So...now I'm filling up. It's the music that does it.

Yuuji: Walking through this door with another player is _really_ emotional. Are you okay?

Chikara: Yeah

Yuuji: We're going through, then. Come on. Hold my hand...

Chikara: Okay.

Yuuji: We're walking into the light. I mean, I don't want to point out the obvious but this mountain...it's kind of...the shape of it, isn't it?

Chikara: Don't cheapen this beautiful moment. But yes it is.

Yuuji: So it's like...going back into the womb.

Chikara: More like heaven I think

(pause)

Yuuji: You okay?

Chikara: (sniffs) Yeah. It's really beautiful, I can see why you like it so much.

Yuuji: I'm so glad you're crying as well! Well...I'm not happy you're  _crying_ , I mean...I always cry at games.

Chikara: The music and the atmosphere really got to me. Thanks for not laughing at me.

Yuuji: Why would I laugh?

Chikara: I think some people might have...

Yuuji: Those people have no soul.

(pause)

Chikara: What happens now?

Yuuji: So, these end credits take us all the way back to the start. And then we get to see who we met along the way.

Chikara: How do you mean?

Yuuji: The other fellow travellers. Their names come up on screen.

Chikara: Ah. Urm. Okay, let's end the video here then. Come on...

Yuuji: But it's the screen that shows you now! Look. Don't you want to see who...Wait. That's...Um. (super long pause) Chikara? Were you Flotsam?”

–

He wasn't sure how long they sat in silence, next to each other on the bed, before Chikara leant over and turned off the livestream. Yuuji wouldn't find out until later when he watched it back that Chikara had pulled a face into camera before doing so, one of those taut-mouthed faces, where the person knows they've done something wrong, but aren't sure how things are going to pan out.

“I'm sorry.”

“It _was_ you then?” Yuuji's eyebrows raised. “Why are you apologising?”

“I feel bad. I don't know. Don't I need to apologise?”

“I still have no idea how it happened.”

Chikara shifted, causing Yuuji to become acutely aware of their hands still clasped. He didn't let go, however, and Chikara's hand didn't slacken as he spoke. “I was watching the livestream at Mum's. You sounded so...I felt guilty for avoiding you, so I started up my console...”

“I didn't know you even had the game!”

“I bought it and played along. I never went further than you had, so I was at the right place and everything! It was so weird seeing the livestream and the TV were the same and...what are the odds? I didn't expect it to line up so easily. It was like fate!”

“There's not many people playing it any more, it's an old game,” Yuuji said, quietly. “That's all it was.”

“Maybe.” Chikara's hand loosened.

Yuuji squeezed tighter again. “I'm not trying to be mean. It's not that much of a coincidence, that's all.”

“We could _choose_ to see it as fate, perhaps?” Chikara watched his feet rubbing against each other, before sliding his right foot across to rest against Yuuji's. “Aren't you cold with bare feet?”

“I told you before. I'm always warm.”

“And _I'm_ always cold.” Chikara looked at him sideways from under his hair, lopsided smile glinting in his eyes.

“See? Another coincidence.” Yuuji nudged back with his foot, finally noticing the patterns on Chikara's thick woolen socks. “There are raccoons on your socks." He looked up at Chikara, grinning. "You're...very cute, you know.”

Chikara shuffled closer to Yuuji, until their legs were pressed together. He smiled wider, pulling Yuuji's hand further into his lap. “So are you.”

“If I wasn't _trying_ to be less impulsive, I might...” Yuuji trailed off, watching his hand being gently touched by Chikara's.

“Hey.” Chikara reached over and hooked his finger under Yuuji's chin, turning his face upwards. “Please don't change.” He was so close, Yuuji could smell the liquorice from his tea, the scent hooking him as potently as the hand still holding him.

Yuuji often made snap decisions to do things, but they usually worked out. There were a few times things had gone really badly for him. The time he tried to touch his sister's friend's bottom when he was fourteen still left a pit in his stomach. Once he tried to bleach his hair and it ended up green; it would have been less embarrassing if he hadn't been only eleven, now he'd quite like green hair. The worst thing he ever did without thinking it through properly was definitely the piercing he didn't let anyone see.

He wasn't really sure if he could call this a snap decision though; the insistent instruction in his head may have only begun this second, but hadn't he guessed he'd hear it eventually?

_Kiss him._

It got louder the longer he ignored it, the more he drank in the scent and sight of Chikara in the low light of the room. It grew louder every time the fingers of Chikara's hand holding his own rubbed against his, or the thumb resting on his face moved backwards and forwards.

When Chikara closed his eyes and leant in closer, touching his forehead to Yuuji's and sighing, it became deafening.

So he obeyed it, he had no choice but to do so. The distance between them shrank, their lips fitting together more effortlessly with each gentle nudge. Yuuji guided Chikara backwards onto the bed and held him, smiling as they shifted against each other until their limbs fitted together just as easily.

And like that, another snap decision worked out for Yuuji.


	13. Bioshock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1.3k)

[excerpt of transcription of video: “Bioshock Playthrough – Would You Kindly...all stop asking us about this?”]

“Hello, bonjour and konichiwa to The Playground. You're all most welcome, as always.

First things first – we got a million subscribers this week. I...I still can't believe one person watches this, let alone this many. We've had a HUGE influx recently, I'm sure I'm not more entertaining, I'm going to admit it's probably my assistant doing...stuff. I dunno what he gets up to to get the word out, but I'm happy with what he does.

Speaking of which...you do realise I read all your comments, right? And so does Chikara?

Eh...so we both thought if we ignored it, it would die down. But, four weeks later, it hasn't, so I'm gonna talk about this, once and once only, okay? This is so weird...I'm not used to this bit of internet...notoriety yet. It's not that I'm not happy or I'm ashamed or anything. That's not why I didn't want to talk about it. It's respect, ya know. I don't like having a go at you all, but...yeah, most of you have been sweet as fuck, but a few...you need to think about what you're saying. We're real people, not...puppets for your entertainment.

So yeah, anyway...Chikara and me are dating.

It's _not_ a secret. We're both out – he's gay, I'm bisexual, please stop referring to me as anything else – so ya know, it's not 'cause of that. It's...well, I never thought anyone would care who I was...with. It's not like I went looking. We've grown closer over the weeks and it's developed into more...like things do.

I can't speak for him, but I'm really happy. I don't think I realised how lonely I'd been. Sometimes people come into your life at the exact right time. I dunno _how_ it happens, but it's happened a lot in my life. Like...I met Kazu and Haru on my first day at a new school. They were the only ones who spoke to me. And now we all live together.

So, when Agro was sick, I needed...something. Calmness? Is that a word? I'm not good at being chill about things. Which should come as _no_ surprise to anyone who watches this channel regularly. I've been pretty lucky in life so far. I've managed to get along without much thinking and ignoring things. I needed everything to...slow down. Stop racing.

And with Chikara, I've got no choice _but_ to slow down. It takes him longer to do stuff and resting isn't only nice to do, it's vital for his health. So...I stop too and take in the world and actually process things and...god, listen to me. He's really...changed my life. Hmm.

(pause)

Now...let's have no more of this discussion in the comments, yeah? If we have anything we want you to know, we'll tell you. _Please_ stop asking us.

Right! That's the serious bit out of the way!

Today, we're playing an old classic, because this year it was ten years old – Bioshock. If you haven't heard of it...I'm not sure how to explain it. It's a first person shooter which isn't something I usually like. In fact the first time I played it, when it first came out, I really hated it and gave up. Now that seems inconceivable, I adore this game. (whispers) I even have a Bioshock tattoo. (normal volume) It's here on my wrist. Some of you have noticed it and asked me about it before.”

–

After playing through the first level, Yuuji went downstairs to find Chikara on the sofa, covered in a blanket, two cats and half a dog. His laptop was open and glowing next to him, but his eyes were closed. An ever present mug of tea, thankfully drained, hung limply from his curled finger. Yuuji padded over softly, plucking the mug from his hand and moving the laptop onto the table.

He walked behind the sofa to turn off the lamp, which seemed to disturb the group slumbering. “Yuuji?” Chikara said, looking around the room.

Yuuji leant on the back of the sofa. “Hey, sleepy.”

Chikara leant his head against Yuuji's arm. “You finished?”

“Yeah,” he said, bending down to plant a kiss on Chikara's forehead. “You can have your room now. Sorry it took so long.”

Chikara kissed the chain tattooed across Yuuji's wrist. “It's okay. This lot were keeping me company.” Agro lay across his knees on top of the checked blanket they both liked to share, snoring a little in his slumber.

Yuuji bent further down, arms either side of Chikara, to stroke the velvety fur of Agro's ears. He took a chance, nuzzling his nose into Chikara; he sighed in response, turning to meet Yuuji as he trailed his nose up Chikara's neck.

“You feeling okay?” Yuuji whispered into his ear. “You get anything written?”

“A bit. I'm ready for bed though I think.”

“You want a drink bringing up?”

Chikara looked sheepish. “Actually, I'm pretty tired. I don't know if I have the energy to make it upstairs.”

“You going to sleep here?” Yuuji started walking off, saying, “I'll get you some...”

Chikara turned and knelt on the sofa, grabbing Yuuji's arm. “No! I meant...would you...take me upstairs? I hate asking, but you lifted me once before.” He leaned forward, lips almost touching Yuuji's. “You're very strong.”

“Well, yeah, I can do that. Sure.” He pecked Chikara and began to walk around the sofa, pausing by the arm of it. “How should I...”

“Fuck's sake...” Chikara grabbed Yuuji's collar, and pulled him closer again, circling his arms around his neck. “I'm trying to seduce you, Yuuji,” he whispered as he brought their lips together.

Chikara's lips were warm and minty, fresh from his herbal tea. He wasn't as pale as when he met him, and his face had filled out so much his cheeks had a slight swell to them. Yuuji brought his arms around Chikara's waist, pulling him in and deepening the kiss.

So far, they'd only lazily cuddled on the sofa, like teenagers, kissing between whispers and giggles when their flatmates weren't around. Now, Chikara's tongue was finding its way between Yuuji's lips, searching his mouth for weak spots. Yuuji wasn't sure what had happened to make everything change so suddenly, but he didn't much care.

Yuuji's hands trailed downwards, cupping Chikara's cheeks with a gentle squeeze. Chikara had climbed onto the arm of the sofa, kneeling on the pocket holding all of Yuuji's bits and bobs and knocking some straws onto the floor. They paused the kiss to look and see what had happened, giggling, before Chikara was nudging against Yuuji again, clamouring for his full attention.

“You changed my life too, you know,” he said, as Yuuji began kissing down his neck.

He stopped and pulled back to look at Chikara properly; memories of earlier tears, invisible to Yuuji before in the dimness of the room, were now glistening from the corner of his eyes and down the side of his cheeks. Yuuji pecked at them, leaning in closer. “You watched the livestream?”

Chikara nodded, moving one hand to cup Yuuji's face, before moving in to kiss him again.

Without breaking away, Yuuji grabbed Chikara's buttocks more firmly, moving his hands down his thighs to get more of a grip before hoisting him up against himself. He was heavier than the last time Yuuji picked him up, but he could still easily support him as he wrapped his legs around his waist.

“Is this the best way to carry you to your room?” Yuuji asked, as Chikara crossed his ankles behind him and he started walking towards the staircase.

Chikara's voice was barely audible against Yuuji's neck as he whispered, “We're not going to _my_ room.”

“Where are we...” He stopped walking and looked at Chikara wide-eyed with realisation. “Oh! Really? You sure?”

Chikara nodded. “Why else do you think I wanted to save energy by having you carry me?”

 


	14. Hot Dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1k)
> 
> Two chapters this week but they’re short and I wanted to finish up one of the incomplete things on here as it was stressing me out having too many open fics. Enjoy!

[excerpt of transcription of video: “ASMR Cookery – hot dogs”]

“Chikara: (whispering) Hey! It's time for more cooking. Not so much the cooking, though. I'm going to show you what I've already prepared and talk about it.

Oh FYI, this isn't a Purple Pinny video, for anyone who hasn't liked my sponsored content. For what it's worth, I did think long and hard about everything I was offered and I liked that company's ethics. But I do understand why some people don't like sponsored content. For me, it was about doing something new with my channel. Everyone has to eat and now I'm cooking for four people, it's a lot more fun learning new recipes!

So anyway, I know 'hot dogs' doesn't seem like much. Thing is, I wanted to cook something special. I asked Kazu what Yuuji's favourite food is, cause to be honest, he eats anything and everything and a lot of it. I have no idea what he _likes_ , even after this long. Anyway, Haru heard us talking and started talking about these hot dogs they had at school a few times. And suddenly Kazu was really excited as well. They were both going, 'Oh yeah, he loved those! We hardly ever had them, but whenever we did he would groan and try and steal extra ones. One year the bread was different and he complained to the dinner lady.' And then they both talked about what a prick he was at school for a while.

What I gathered was they were some kind of smoky meat, nothing like the usual hot dog sausages you get in those tins. Which are revolting, but Yuuji also loves. They had lots of toppings you could put on yourself, in little troughs on the tables. It was a proper event, everyone loved it.

I wondered if it might have been some kind of German thing? Maybe the teachers had an Oktoberfest and the leftovers went out the next day, I dunno. So I took some notes on toppings and stuff and did a bit of research. I think I found the right sausages. They come in a jar instead of a tin and are really smoky. I think it's still pork, but with turkey as well?

So while Yuuji is out, I'm going to talk you through all the toppings I got. Oh! But the best thing is I found these brioche hot dog buns! Remember when I made burgers the other week? And I was going on about brioche buns? They went down very well, so I was so happy to find brioche buns. He's gonna love it.

Let's start with this one...”

…

“(softly spoken) There we go! Let me know in the comments which toppings you'd have. I'm excited to try the little chorizo pieces in the salsa, but I think tomorrow we'll have almost all the sauerkraut left.”

–

The coffee table was covered in a red and white gingham cloth, a row of white porcelain bowls along one edge. He'd maybe gone a bit overboard on how many toppings there were but he'd got carried away at the deli counter. It would keep for the next day, anyway.

The latch clicked and Yuuji shouted, “Ola! I'm back.”

“I'm in here,” Chikara shouted from the lounge.

Sounds of scuffling from the hallway told him Ico was still over-excited and bothering Agro, which was confirmed by a soft scold of, “Leave him alone, he doesn't want you doing that! He's a very old man.”

Chikara readied himself on the sofa; he was cold and worn out from cooking, but he wanted to look as if he'd made an effort. He'd replaced his usual hoodie with a cardigan and shirt, a vest and t-shirt underneath to stop the chill to his bones. Without the Bigfoot hat, his hair was flattened against his head. He pushed a hand through it, with little effect, and cursed himself for not washing it that morning. He hadn't had any energy to spare, he wanted to save it all for cooking.

Yuuji walked in, and was halted in his rambling about what he'd seen on their walk, how Ico was getting used to the lead, what a good boy Agro still was, how many birds they'd seen, that Ico had chased a cat even though she didn't chase any of the four cats they had in the house. It took a couple of minutes to take in the candles and the layout of the table until he finally looked at Chikara in confusion.

“Hey,” Chikara said with a crooked smile.

“What's all this then? I thought maybe you had a headache, but apparently this is mood lighting or something, 'cause you look _gorgeous_ and there's _food_. This has got to be seduction again, right?”

Chikara walked over and put his hands around Yuuij's neck, leaning in to kiss him softly on the lips. “Happy anniversary, Yuuji.”

“Um, not that I'm not happy about this,” he said, pulling Chikara in at the waist and kissing him again, “But...it's not our anniversary until next month! I've got everything planned out. I've got...stuff. It's...”

“It's a year since I moved in.” He kissed Yuuji again, this time lingering more. “So I made a special dinner.”

Yuuji looked over his shoulder. “Are those hot dog buns? You made hot dogs?”

Chikara nodded and kissed him again.

“For me?”

Chikara nodded again, this time parting his lips slightly as he kissed him. Yuuji hummed and he could feel the smile beneath his lips. “Who else? The other two are out for the night. I bribed them to let us have the house to ourselves.” He nodded down at the animals surrounding their feet. “Well, except for this lot, obviously.”

Yuuji lifted a giggling Chikara up against himself, before dropping backwards into the large armchair he'd chosen because it was wide enough for them both to fit in. As their limbs fell into familiar patterns against the leather, he whispered in Chikara's ear, “I wouldn't want it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favourite bits of information is Yuuji and his favourite food, and the detail about the bread changing. I think it’s one reason I always got drawn to him as he usually reminds me of myself. I also usually write him as mixed race or at least well travelled and/or a polyglot because of his favourite food sounding like hot dogs but he doesn’t call them that, like he’s had them somewhere before? I dunno, it’s just how I see him.


End file.
